It’s the Valentine’s Press! This week, Madeleine Kearns has Two Drinks with Dr. Paul McHugh, the man who was saying back in the ’70s that gender dysphoria shouldn’t be treated with hormones and surgery. Also, we’ve compiled a definitive list of the best Winter Olympics moments so far. And Suzy Weiss asks: Should we be worried about all these flamboyant resignation letters from AI companies? But first. . .
It’s no secret that here at The Free Press, we love love. We’re freaked out by the well-documented decline of dating and sex and marriage and relationships. So for Valentine’s Day, we’ve gone all out, as a reminder that love is still happening, and still worth it.
First up, a personal essay from Kara Kennedy, who was born at the end of the 20th century and therefore raised to believe that you shouldn’t rush into commitment. But in her mid-20s, she met a man on another continent, and within a year she had not only moved across an ocean to be with him but had married him and was pregnant.
“People sometimes ask if I would recommend doing things this way—meeting a man twice before getting in his car and never leaving,” she writes. “I remind them that at no point did this feel reckless or brave, but just the obvious thing to do.”
Next, another personal story, about what it’s like to be separated from the people you love more than anything on Earth. Two years ago, former politician P.G. Sittenfeld had to spend Valentine’s Day in prison after being convicted of campaign-finance crimes.
“During my time in custody, I almost never used my scarce monthly allotment of phone minutes—which came out to around 15 per day—to call home early in the morning,” he writes. He knew his wife Sarah would be scrambling to get their two sons, aged 1 and 4, out of bed and fed. “But since it was Valentine’s Day and I woke up in prison instead of at home next to my wife, I rang Sarah at 7 a.m.”
But what if you haven’t found love yet? What are you supposed to do? There’s an almost scientific school of thought on the internet that says you have to work hard to reach the apex of desirability; you have to go to the gym, intermittently fast, and even consider plastic surgery if you want to become a “ten” instead of a “two.”
That’s not true, says Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis, who has a new book out that’s a more optimistic take on the science of human attraction. River Page spoke to him to get the lowdown.
Instead of obsessing about your abs, why not write an ad? Because—drumroll please—Free Press Cupid is back! We launched our old-school matchmaking service a few years ago and are delighted to say it resulted in the first ever official Free Press marriage this summer. The bride, Polina Fradkin, tells the whole story in her piece—which includes details of how you, too, can connect to an eligible Free Press reader. Get ready to fall in love! And Happy Valentine’s Day.
One of the blessings of living to be 94 is that you get a real sense of what your legacy might be. As early as the ‘70s, the legendary psychiatrist Paul McHugh was warning that hormones and surgery were unsafe treatments for gender dysphoria—something few people wanted to hear. But now, the tide has turned. As The Free Press reported just last week, a detransitioner in the United States has won a malpractice suit for the first time. When Madeleine Kearns caught up with McHugh recently, he said: “The great thing about my life is I’ve been part of my times.”
Emerald Fennell’s new “Wuthering Heights” opens with grunts and the regular squeak of metal. It sounds erotic, but then the camera pans, and you realize what you’re listening to is a public hanging. “The rumors are true,” writes Suzy Weiss in her latest column. “Emerald Fennell is a pervert.” Suzy also has thoughts about the flurry of public resignations in the AI industry. Should we be scared?
The Winter Olympics is one of the wildest, scariest, greatest shows on Earth—and in Italy this year, Team USA is delivering both on and off the ice. We’re halfway through and we’ve had four gold medals, a viral backflip, gutsy press conferences, and so much more. If you haven’t been watching, don’t worry: A crack team of Free Press culture writers has assembled a list of the most unmissable moments from the last week, so you can catch up.
You all know Free Press columnist Kat Rosenfield as a sharp observer of modern culture—one who writes essays about everything from our narratives about immigration to the glory of free speech, and that’s just in the last week. But she has another life: as a writer of thrillers. Her next novel, How to Survive in the Woods, has the office absolutely gripped. It’s a twisty tale of an ex-girlboss with a dark secret and a controlling husband she’s desperate to be rid of, set in the shadowy forests of northern Maine. The novel is out March 10 (but you can preorder today!), and that evening, Kat will be in conversation with Suzy Weiss in New York. It’s going to be a very fun evening with two Weekend Press greats—and tickets are selling fast, so get yours today.
We’ve had a bumper week for culture pieces—and here are a few you need to read, if you haven’t already:
How should you spend your weekend? We asked our producer and host Rafaela Siewert for her recommendations. . .
🥚Eat . . . A salted egg dessert. Contrary to the name, it’s not salty or eggy. It’s sweet, creamy, and unique. For New Yorkers, I recommend the salted egg (aka Hong Kong-style) French toast at Potluck Club in Chinatown or Kong Sihk Tong in Flushing.
🧘♀️Move . . . The mats are basically touching and someone else’s sweat will hit you, but doing yoga in a 98-degree room with mood lighting and indie pop in the background is my favorite hour of the day. Google your nearest hot-yoga studio!
👗Rent . . . My 73-year-old colleague Joe Nocera once asked me, “How do you own so many dresses? Every day you’re in a new one!” To which I said, “Joe, do you want to know my secret?” and proceeded to tell him it’s Nuuly. I rent all my clothes! Yes, you can wear a sequined, two-toned gown for 30 days—and then send it back. What’s better than that? When I told Joe this, he responded by saying, “Wow, this whole time I just thought you were really rich!”
📺Watch . . . Paolo Sorrentino’s Parthenope. Think: Southern Italy in the ’70s, a dazzling Celeste Dalla Porta, peculiar and disgusting plot points. . . . Everything in this movie is decadent. I recently watched it and couldn’t stop thinking about it for weeks. Behold:
That’s all, folks! Have a great weekend.
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Please, please get rid of the flashing photos? What do you think you are, TV commercial editors, or first graders learning to read?
Paul McHugh’s interview was my ❤️!