
Pat McMonigle, 44, was an FBI analyst, agent, and then field supervisor over his 19-year career. During his time with the Bureau, he investigated national security crimes, served as a hostage negotiator and Joint Terrorism Task Force coordinator, trained dozens of other special agents, and was deployed three times overseas. He was awarded 24 commendations including the Combat Theater Award for his 2017 deployment to Afghanistan. But he also lost at least nine colleagues to suicide, in many cases because they suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder on the job. Then, in 2022, Pat worked on a case so devastating he was also diagnosed with PTSD. In June 2024, he finally resigned from the agency to save himself from the same fate as his fellow agents. Here, he tells his story to The Free Press.
I suppose it is fitting that my Federal Bureau of Investigation story begins—and ends—with a crisis.
I first decided that I would join the FBI after my college classmate, Deora Bodley, lost her life as a passenger on Flight 93 during the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.
At the time, I was a junior at Santa Clara University. When I found out from a college memo that Deora was on that plane, I immediately changed my major from business to political science, and in 2005, I joined the FBI as an analyst. Five years later, I decided to train as a special agent at the academy. On my first day, I stood up in front of my fellow cadets and declared that I had joined the agency because I wanted to fight terrorists like the ones who stole 2,977 innocent lives, including Deora’s, that day.
More than two decades later, I made another consequential choice: to walk away from the career I had dedicated my life to, because the job had damn near broken me.
My story, sadly, is not unique.