I have been closely following this topic since around 2015 when my own daughter was about 13. At 3 we were told she fits diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum and she received recommended early intervention services. Mostly she has always been slightly delayed on milestones but always arrived eventually. She had occupational therapy in…
I have been closely following this topic since around 2015 when my own daughter was about 13. At 3 we were told she fits diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum and she received recommended early intervention services. Mostly she has always been slightly delayed on milestones but always arrived eventually. She had occupational therapy in elementary school and she hated being singled out or being treated differently. At 13 she was dx’d with ADHD -again, all she ever desired was to fit in and be treated normally. By middle school she was coming home saying girls at her lunch table are depressed, suicidal and lesbian or transgender. Time for another intervention! I never permitted her to use tumblr and I informed her she was not permitted to sit with that group anymore or socialize with them.
As a parent for YEARS I had dealt with behavioral therapists, occupational therapists, annual IEP meetings with schools -and it sucked. I was NOT going down this road. My daughter did not need to come up with a new issue, she already had one!
As if overnight, kids, especially teen girls are self diagnosing with autism, adhd, gender dysphoria, depression, suicidal ideation. Like they’re wishing for the exact thing that caused my own kid to struggle to fit in.
The real deal, who truly struggles with being out of synch with life WANTS to be treated as “normal” as much as possible, WANTS to succeed in life with relationships, academics and independently living as an adult. It was never an identity for her. Others made it one for her and then for themselves. Even the mental health professionals and teachers -treated her as a diagnosis and did not see HER. We advocated for her and now she advocates for herself and she will never be a victim or allow anyone keep her in a box.
Her first psychiatrist recommended an lgbt group and my daughter had to inform her she wasn’t lgbt. How, when, why, did this become linked to autism spectrum/adhd?
Not sure what you mean. My theory based on being a girl in middle school and having a daughter go through middle school is it’s difficult no matter what. You have the popular girls who seem to not even go through an awkward stage. They have pretty hair, zero acne, and physically fit etc. Other girls go through the ugly duckling stage. I was one of those. But I had an outgoing and social personality. My dear daughter was both a bit of an ugly duckling and socially awkward. That makes it very difficult. She had no desire to hide, and wanted desperately to fit in but just could not make it work.
So she found a lunch table and the tribe of other misfits. It’s good to find a group. There is always some safety in numbers. But this group was very negative. My daughter was always very happy, sweet, and a bit more innocent. Coming home and suddenly telling me everyone is depressed suicidal and lgbt just did not make any sense to me. They were not hiding anything.
Also to be very clear -I did not care one bit if my daughter told me she was gay or she had a gay friend or 3 gay friends. She never claimed she was. I asked her and she said she didn’t even fully understand it all. She had crushes on boys. But I DID care they all talked regularly about suicide. These girls were DARK. They sounded miserable. It made no sense to me. I’d rather she had no friends than friends who focus on that stuff.
Now she’s at uni and has all kinds of friends, but more importantly she is living her life, enjoying her courses and activities, she lives independently in her own apartment. And like me she was a late bloomer physically -ugly duckling turned into a swan.
But it took A TON of involvement. We had regular weekly family meetings to go over everything and anything, as well as regular family activities, regular routines, dinners together. She knows we have her back no matter what. We provided stability.
I have been closely following this topic since around 2015 when my own daughter was about 13. At 3 we were told she fits diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum and she received recommended early intervention services. Mostly she has always been slightly delayed on milestones but always arrived eventually. She had occupational therapy in elementary school and she hated being singled out or being treated differently. At 13 she was dx’d with ADHD -again, all she ever desired was to fit in and be treated normally. By middle school she was coming home saying girls at her lunch table are depressed, suicidal and lesbian or transgender. Time for another intervention! I never permitted her to use tumblr and I informed her she was not permitted to sit with that group anymore or socialize with them.
As a parent for YEARS I had dealt with behavioral therapists, occupational therapists, annual IEP meetings with schools -and it sucked. I was NOT going down this road. My daughter did not need to come up with a new issue, she already had one!
As if overnight, kids, especially teen girls are self diagnosing with autism, adhd, gender dysphoria, depression, suicidal ideation. Like they’re wishing for the exact thing that caused my own kid to struggle to fit in.
The real deal, who truly struggles with being out of synch with life WANTS to be treated as “normal” as much as possible, WANTS to succeed in life with relationships, academics and independently living as an adult. It was never an identity for her. Others made it one for her and then for themselves. Even the mental health professionals and teachers -treated her as a diagnosis and did not see HER. We advocated for her and now she advocates for herself and she will never be a victim or allow anyone keep her in a box.
Her first psychiatrist recommended an lgbt group and my daughter had to inform her she wasn’t lgbt. How, when, why, did this become linked to autism spectrum/adhd?
It pisses me off.
Is it a struggle to fit in or a place to hide?
I think the latter may be more of an issue than people may be willing to admit.
Not sure what you mean. My theory based on being a girl in middle school and having a daughter go through middle school is it’s difficult no matter what. You have the popular girls who seem to not even go through an awkward stage. They have pretty hair, zero acne, and physically fit etc. Other girls go through the ugly duckling stage. I was one of those. But I had an outgoing and social personality. My dear daughter was both a bit of an ugly duckling and socially awkward. That makes it very difficult. She had no desire to hide, and wanted desperately to fit in but just could not make it work.
So she found a lunch table and the tribe of other misfits. It’s good to find a group. There is always some safety in numbers. But this group was very negative. My daughter was always very happy, sweet, and a bit more innocent. Coming home and suddenly telling me everyone is depressed suicidal and lgbt just did not make any sense to me. They were not hiding anything.
Also to be very clear -I did not care one bit if my daughter told me she was gay or she had a gay friend or 3 gay friends. She never claimed she was. I asked her and she said she didn’t even fully understand it all. She had crushes on boys. But I DID care they all talked regularly about suicide. These girls were DARK. They sounded miserable. It made no sense to me. I’d rather she had no friends than friends who focus on that stuff.
Now she’s at uni and has all kinds of friends, but more importantly she is living her life, enjoying her courses and activities, she lives independently in her own apartment. And like me she was a late bloomer physically -ugly duckling turned into a swan.
But it took A TON of involvement. We had regular weekly family meetings to go over everything and anything, as well as regular family activities, regular routines, dinners together. She knows we have her back no matter what. We provided stability.