124 Comments

I love this article.

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founding

I appreciate Suzy’s topics. Its the yin to Bari’s, horrible accounts of mass torture, yang.

I need something other than doors flying off airplanes, smart phones making teens suicidal, and everything political.

So thank you. Its also why I like TGIF, its the news with a smile.

It is also nice that you didn’t shy away from pointing out that the women have agency here. “Victim blaming” gets over used. People also have the ability to make choices. Lets say a person decides to go hitch hiking across the United States alone and something bad happens. Is it their fault? No. If predators didn’t exist they would have been fine. But they do exist and someone would need to talk to him/her about high risk behavior at some point.

Anyway, Huberman is a pig but this behavior isn’t new. People would be well advised to watch for the signs.

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"Here’s a rule of thumb: if you’re at the point in a breakup where you’re talking about making and giving space for hurt, or even using hurt as a noun, and New York magazine calls you, place your phone directly in the toilet.". I laughed out loud!

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Reading the NY mag article sort of felt like I was watching a bizarre episode of the bachelor. The women would be wise to seriously think about changing their picker and reflecting on what their values were when they chose to get involved with this man.

I’m wondering if perhaps they swim in shallow waters and value appearance and money vs character. Water tends to seek its own level.

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I've never even heard of this guy. But this is National Enquirer "reporting," not serious journalism. On the other hand, it didn't take a lot of research into the magazine to get the impression that dishing dirty on celebs is not outside its normal activity.

Letting women off the hook for their own choices is where feminism has taken us. Instead of demanding rights and respect for women AS women, second-wave feminists demanded that women act (and be allowed to act) like men, including aping the very worst of male behavior instead of aspiring for the best of human (male or female) behavior.

Where we are now is the natural and predictable destination of that mid-20th-century course setting.

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"Meanwhile, last week’s New York mag cover story argued that children have the agency to change their sex. Weird."

And in January they offered "A Practical Guide to Polyamory".

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A scientist giving the world health advice who has multiple sex partners reassuring them it’s monogamous so no need for protection is a problem.

Plenty of blame to go around.

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Great piece! What is it with society wanting to take down successful men? And who cares about Huberman's or anyone else's dating lives -- especially when the guy is brilliant and doling out helpful advice on how we can all live healthier lives..You also had an amazing piece awhile back on a then MIT scientist, who fortunately for society and the world is back doing his science. I agree with your comments about the women. Shouldn't someone who considers herself a feminist think of herself as strong enough to take accountability for her actions? I've always thought that a true feminist shouldn't talk about suffering a nervous breakdown if a guy makes a pass at her, let alone just compliments her on her dress.I Always seemed kind of wimpy to me. I understand that these women "suffered" more than just a compliment or a pass, but "making space ....for the other women's hurt" is, as you point out, a bit over the top, just a bit....

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As someone who consume self improving content once in a while- I have to say that I never managed to listen to him, not through his pod or as a guest- even though he was literally in every single guests lists of the pods I'm listening to). Something in me was telling me not to like him, I swear to dog I have no idea why.

The fact that he was not very nice to his mating partners makes him a bad person (especially this coordination which to me is repulsive - just tell them you're not exclusive, how hard can it be), but not a criminal. I will continue to avoid his content :D.

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Mar 28·edited Mar 28

I really don't know why this story would surprise anyone - this guy had both the financial wherewithal and mental stamina to make it happen. And, I might add, a willing line of beautiful women who were his willing dupes - despite (or perhaps because of?) their boatloads of educational creds and brilliant careers. For Huberman's type, there never is any shortage of such women, is there?

When I was dating a young woman in 20s, in the early to mid 1980s (and yes, I always dated 'em once at a time!) I was quite charmed by her parents with whom she lived. They were the kind of people my own Mom and Dad would describe as being from the "old school". My girlfriend's mom was loud and talkative in contrast to her quiet dad, much the same as my own parents were paired. While I spent months upon months trying unsuccessfully to get her to do things with me on her parents' sofa, we also did a lot of talking. I discovered that her parents' courtship was quite similar to my own parents'. And we discussed dating mores then and back in our parents' day. It struck me that the women of the day, while they had yet to be "liberated" in the contemporary sense, had the tough, no-nonsense demeanor of old movie actresses - the kind who would slap a man, or even another woman, at the drop of a hat. Men of the day would call them "broads," and to these women, it was a compliment. Dating for them was an endless round of theater engagements, parties, trips in cars to mountain picnics, and dances - often with multiple partners during the same week. There was no such thing as "cheating" until one became engaged or married - and once the woman had accepted that ring, all other suitors had to take a proverbial hike. My new wife has gotten me hooked on watching this ridiculous reality show on Lifetime called Married at First Sight, where the men and women endlessly snipe with their "scientifically" matched marriage partners and something as innocent as answering a text from a person of the opposite sex is a bigger sin than a habit of one-night hookups. It's asinine - but entertaining. Now that I'm older myself I love witnessing the ridiculous shenanigans of tatted-up people in their 20s and 30s - people who lack any shred of the common sense that was de rigueur in my parents' day.

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this is proper hilarious

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founding

I'm very pleased to be in the excellent company of your mother. I had never heard of Andrew H., and after reading and enjoying your crisply written piece, I will now never think of him again.

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"...with the wild loyalty of a kamikaze pilot going down."

Bish bash bosh.

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Thanks for writing this. While reading the NY mag article I kept waiting for the THING, what did he do? What was so scandalous? But, like Suzy, I found nothing.

The writer constantly describing these women as gorgeous and clever and bla bla made me wonder whether she's also trying to say that of course these wonderful women wouldn't simply be going through what many humans have gone through: being cheated on. No, they're better than all the other women, so they were tricked by a man with dark triad traits, because they're too good (they avoid sugar, you know) for regular cheating. I wonder how the writer would frame the story if it had happened in a different environment, with less well-educated people and maybe people she didn't necessarily like.

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Suzy strikes again! ❤️ insert phone in toilet line. There is a lot of great discussion across substack (Daum, Smoke’em, etc) about these perfectly conflicting ideas that the patriarchy is crumbling (go girl) and , also , that women no longer have agency (no, girl) when succumbing to the whims of a charming flawed man who sees himself as a timeshare for dates who think they are the one! Great journalism.

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Definitely a theme this week. From logarithmic leaps in screen time to neurotic self-abuse videos to a man who dates the entire country, because, apparently, he can.

The common thread is that we're lost with so many choices. Whether it's doom-scrolling the news or looking for the perfect partner or coming up with a look so attractive and trendy that thousands subscribe to breathlessly await your next seven-second semi-screed.

It's both entertaining and depressing. It gives people a desperate need to be in the top 1% of something in order to have real opportunity. And then, even when or if that's attained, an equally desperate need to parlay that into making the perfect choices. No matter what your age or achievements, there's always something to feel crappy about.

No one is apparently ever satisfied with anything online. And there's no way to turn this off, other than go full Kim Jong-Un.

I am so glad I'm happily married and grew up before smart phones were a thing. I have written software for the damned things, but I will not own one.

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