After college I became a Corrections Officer in a maximum security prison. Then a Parole Officer out on the streets. I left that corrupt world since I was changing for the worse. ButNow that i’m a therapist I have taken up amateur boxing. People are always puzzled why I risk head trauma and getting knocked out. I’ve always struggled to e…
After college I became a Corrections Officer in a maximum security prison. Then a Parole Officer out on the streets. I left that corrupt world since I was changing for the worse. ButNow that i’m a therapist I have taken up amateur boxing. People are always puzzled why I risk head trauma and getting knocked out.
I’ve always struggled to explain it to people. I think being a fighter is just who I am. As a therapist I do a lot of the work that burns out other therapists. Many of my clients have experienced major traumas. I can handle hearing about it just like I can handle being punched in the face. I actually don’t think I would be a therapist if I wasn’t able to help people who have been through hell. My biggest challenge are “ the worried well”.
I think i’m just a fighter and since i’m not a sociopath i’ve spent my life finding places where its put to good use or is socially acceptable.
On a side note it is interesting to me that a large number of female sexual assault survivors come to me for therapy. Usually they tell me they wanted a therapist who wouldn’t get upset hearing their stories. Apparently the majority female, emotionally in touch and sensitive, therapists out there burst into tears hearing some of this stuff.
Typically not immediately after the assault, unless they were already my client when it happens. As one would expect in the direct aftermath women aren’t interested into talking to a man about it. But unexpectedly years later when opening up about it they choose to talk to me.
I keep thinking about it. I think telling the story to a man is an important step in the healing process. I have never been in the position of David patients, but I somewhat, - to a much lesser degree - felt how it was to be on the side of the potential threat. Here is what I mean.
Last year some of my Ukrainian clients told me it was important for them to talk to me and be heard “face to face” knowing that I m Russian. This gave them hope knowing that “not all Russian are evil”, a difficult conclusion to arrive to for any given Ukrainian in the last year, indeed.
So, when David shared his story I somewhat related from the side of the therapist and a potential threat: him as a man to a rape victim, me as an ethnic identity of the attacker. I felt that forgiving and stopping to see a looming threat in anything male / Russian / fill in the blank is a very difficult and also a very important step in recovery. A woman to woman or a Ukrainian to Ukrainian can validate the pain. But it is not enough for a complete recovery from a trauma.
David comments gave words to my own feeling that I could never express. I can handle a lot more than my colleagues. I can do things that would burn out others in my field of work. All that because I had gone through a lot in my younger years.
All true. Some of the best drug counselors are former addicts too. But I still think that those patients likely to think as you describe do so because they do not want to be classified as victims, by themselves or by others. While those who accept that they are victims will likely seek help from those in their group. I have read that PTSD can now be successfully treated with a type of therapy that in part involves facing the fear/trauma directly.
I absolutely agree with this trauma treatment. Only after I started learning German language in high school with the private tutor I have recovered from the trauma of nazism (my town was dismantled during the WW2 and all our field trips starting pre-school involved detailed accounts of the nazist atrocities on our land. The fact that as Slavic we were deemed for extinction to create the lebensraum for the higher race was hammered into my head.
But then I stepped forward, I learnt German and my nightmares stepped back. Now my kids attend the German School of the Silicon Valley (for an array of other reasons). The bottom line is that carefully curated introduction to the trauma is the only solution. The only way out is through.
Yes. (Sorry, I fixed it. I think much faster than I type and I type pretty fast. ) I think that is true but I also think you have a personality type or characteristics that allow you to do so. I find this pretty fascinating actually.
After college I became a Corrections Officer in a maximum security prison. Then a Parole Officer out on the streets. I left that corrupt world since I was changing for the worse. ButNow that i’m a therapist I have taken up amateur boxing. People are always puzzled why I risk head trauma and getting knocked out.
I’ve always struggled to explain it to people. I think being a fighter is just who I am. As a therapist I do a lot of the work that burns out other therapists. Many of my clients have experienced major traumas. I can handle hearing about it just like I can handle being punched in the face. I actually don’t think I would be a therapist if I wasn’t able to help people who have been through hell. My biggest challenge are “ the worried well”.
I think i’m just a fighter and since i’m not a sociopath i’ve spent my life finding places where its put to good use or is socially acceptable.
On a side note it is interesting to me that a large number of female sexual assault survivors come to me for therapy. Usually they tell me they wanted a therapist who wouldn’t get upset hearing their stories. Apparently the majority female, emotionally in touch and sensitive, therapists out there burst into tears hearing some of this stuff.
Typically not immediately after the assault, unless they were already my client when it happens. As one would expect in the direct aftermath women aren’t interested into talking to a man about it. But unexpectedly years later when opening up about it they choose to talk to me.
David, I find your experience fascinating and very relatable. Thank you for sharing.
My guess is that they do not want to define themselves as victims but rather as survivors - a/ka fighters.
I keep thinking about it. I think telling the story to a man is an important step in the healing process. I have never been in the position of David patients, but I somewhat, - to a much lesser degree - felt how it was to be on the side of the potential threat. Here is what I mean.
Last year some of my Ukrainian clients told me it was important for them to talk to me and be heard “face to face” knowing that I m Russian. This gave them hope knowing that “not all Russian are evil”, a difficult conclusion to arrive to for any given Ukrainian in the last year, indeed.
So, when David shared his story I somewhat related from the side of the therapist and a potential threat: him as a man to a rape victim, me as an ethnic identity of the attacker. I felt that forgiving and stopping to see a looming threat in anything male / Russian / fill in the blank is a very difficult and also a very important step in recovery. A woman to woman or a Ukrainian to Ukrainian can validate the pain. But it is not enough for a complete recovery from a trauma.
David comments gave words to my own feeling that I could never express. I can handle a lot more than my colleagues. I can do things that would burn out others in my field of work. All that because I had gone through a lot in my younger years.
All true. Some of the best drug counselors are former addicts too. But I still think that those patients likely to think as you describe do so because they do not want to be classified as victims, by themselves or by others. While those who accept that they are victims will likely seek help from those in their group. I have read that PTSD can now be successfully treated with a type of therapy that in part involves facing the fear/trauma directly.
What is favmvmcing? Facing? If so
I absolutely agree with this trauma treatment. Only after I started learning German language in high school with the private tutor I have recovered from the trauma of nazism (my town was dismantled during the WW2 and all our field trips starting pre-school involved detailed accounts of the nazist atrocities on our land. The fact that as Slavic we were deemed for extinction to create the lebensraum for the higher race was hammered into my head.
But then I stepped forward, I learnt German and my nightmares stepped back. Now my kids attend the German School of the Silicon Valley (for an array of other reasons). The bottom line is that carefully curated introduction to the trauma is the only solution. The only way out is through.
Yes. (Sorry, I fixed it. I think much faster than I type and I type pretty fast. ) I think that is true but I also think you have a personality type or characteristics that allow you to do so. I find this pretty fascinating actually.