Abigail, our 38-year-old son has been living in our garage apartment rent-free for close to eight years now. He graduated in four years from a prestigious university with a degree in physics and astronomy, but chose not to pursue a graduate program in that field.
He proceeded to work for seven years as a circuit-board repairman, living independently but dissatisfied with his work. We agreed to fund his continued education in computer science, and he earned a degree in data science but has thus far been unable to find employment in the field. It seems that his lack of experience is the sticking point for all of the jobs he has interviewed for.
We’ve recently (reluctantly) agreed to fund another round of training that he claims will enable him to find employment, but we are out of patience.
To complicate matters further, his girlfriend of three years lives with him—she has a degree in accounting but works as a server in a local restaurant. We’ve made it clear that the gravy train ends in six months and he either moves or starts paying rent, but I have no confidence that things will change by then. How can we get him to become financially independent without alienating him or his girlfriend?
— Darrill
Darrill,
“What is man that thou art mindful of him?”
This line from Psalms is carved into the limestone entablature of Harvard’s Emerson Hall.
It’s a provocative question to choose for a campus of undergraduates. Not You’re the man! but What is man? Why do you even concern yourself with him, Lord, when you are such a superior being? Why bother with such a humble creature, so entirely beneath your notice?
The frieze was carved in 1905, and for generations, it invited college kids to supply the answer. King David answers the question with this: “You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet.” An emboldening statement of young people’s possibility: Strive to become worthy of divine notice. The world is at your feet.
We no longer think of young people this way. Now, we assume they must be protected. Even criminal behavior is excused; after all, they are “just kids”—even at ages when their grandparents were returning from war, starting families, and becoming indispensable to their communities.
