Welcome back to Tough Love with Abigail Shrier, a brand-new advice column from The Free Press! Every Thursday, our contributing editor will answer your conundrums, with no hesitation and no sugarcoating—just straight-up Tough Love. This week, Abigail answers a question from Greg (that’s not his real name), an FP reader who is trying to decide if his marriage is worth working on.
Abigail,
I have been married for a little more than five years, with a wonderful son who is toddler age. I’ve had spells of depression my whole adult life, and during a depressive spell early into the marriage I had what you might call an “emotional affair” with a female friend who shared many of my interests. Nothing physical came of it; I gradually lost my feelings for that person, and later my wife and I had our son. The two years that followed were the happiest of my life.
Over the last year, I met a woman who shares many of my interests and shares the same social milieu. We had a short affair, and I ended up developing major feelings for her that persist, leading to a major episode of depression.
It’s made me realize that my wife and I just don’t have very much in common, and share few mutual interests. We have always gotten along amazingly well, but I’m craving a companion with whom I share similar values and worldview.
I know what I’ve done is terrible, and I feel horribly for my son. I just don’t know whether to work on my marriage or to admit to myself that it was not the match I thought it was and cut my losses.
—Greg
