Dear Abigail,
My 7-year-old daughter has a good group of first-grade friends at our local public school. I am casually friendly with most of their moms. This week, my daughter reported to us, while giggling uncomfortably, that one of the little boys in her friend group told her he doesn’t like Jewish people. We are Jewish. But so far, she’s been okay.
I know this boy’s mother—I see her regularly at various school events, and he has been to our house. My friends have told me to call her, and to give her the benefit of the doubt. My friends point out their own sons have made offensive remarks that didn’t originate from their families. My own 5-year-old son said something offensive about another race recently, and got multiple talking-tos, to correct this belief. (He said Mexican people had bad breath, based on a person he knows.) Another friend pointed out her son wrote the N-word, and she was completely mortified.
But somehow a boy saying “I don’t like Jewish people” feels different, and thus I am disinclined to give the family the benefit of the doubt. My inclination is to do nothing, and let my daughter decide if she wants to be friends with this boy. What do you think?
—Rachel, 39
Rachel,
It is a truth rarely acknowledged that the most tiresome aspect of parenting is the advice showered on you by other moms. Newbies to the job themselves, they nonetheless issue proclamations with the confidence of Caesar. But in this instance, neither you nor your friends are seeing things clearly.
Rachel, the boy who says he “doesn’t like Jewish people”—he’s 7.
Based on the stray comment of a boy who just learned to tie his shoes, you’ve invited his entire family to set up residence inside your head.
