Hello, and welcome back. We’ll keep it short and sweet this gorgeous holiday week so that I can get to the beach, alone, with no identification on my body, to steal a boat before my family realizes I’ve left. Just kidding, I “love” them. It’s always been my dream to learn about the intricacies of linear television over a holiday weekend. Who ordered the lobster roll with a side of Nielsen ratings?!
In Free Press announcements, to celebrate 250 years of America, we’re offering a discount on new subscriptions. Please consider sharing The Free Press with a friend, a cousin, or a co-worker (maybe be careful with that one). Gift one here! And look out for a fabulous package of patriotic stories later this morning before you log off for the Fourth.
→ Happy pride!: The outgoing prime minister of the United Kingdom, Keir Starmer, was celebrating the end of Pride Month and, looking out at the crowd, said what I’m awarding Quote of the Week: “I’m really proud that we’ve got the gayest parliament, I don’t think just of all time—anywhere in the world. I don’t think there’s any parliament that is gayer than this one.”
Considering this is a country where everyone in the government wears wigs and dresses to do their jobs, I suppose being the gayest parliament is somewhat of an accomplishment.
I’ll add that there is likely no media company gayer than this one, not even close. Except maybe Out magazine. But a lot of good that does me! In a just world I would have been the grand marshal of the parade, but it seems that all Pride Month marches have been entirely rebranded as political, and they are not wavin’ my banner. There are barely even vestigial references to the original concept. Here’s the new Dyke March motto: “We’re here! We’re queer! Free Palestine is our demand!” It doesn’t even rhyme, folx.
→ Europe is refusing air-conditioning: The Europeans, once again, are suffering through an extraordinarily hot summer. I’m sure climate change is part of the reason that temperatures there have soared over a hundred degrees. But instead of trying to fight the change or adapt to it, Europeans have decided, once again, that they must do nothing but suffer. Thousands of elderly and vulnerable people are dying of heat. And the Euros are blaming it all on America! Here’s the deputy mayor of Paris defending the French way:
Dear American journalists and social media “influencers”: for days, some of you have been criticizing and making fun of Paris, because the city doesn’t have AC in every room. . . . OMG, this is so rich! As the second-largest emitter of greenhouse gases in the world, you bear a significant responsibility for global warming and the consequences we, in France, are experiencing. Your cities, “90% air-conditioned,” are not unrelated to this. In Paris, we take responsibility.
Right. The fact that all your baguettes are drooping in the heat is because we make our malls feel like the inside of a glacier. It’s called customer service.
