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→ The Trump Roast: The lunatic who just did World Peace—our crypto mogul, our President Trumpo—invited the world’s leaders to gather and be roasted about 10 minutes later. It was like if Jeff Ross presided over the Paris Peace Conference. After convincing Israel and Hamas to agree to a ceasefire and getting every single living hostage out of Gaza (finally), and maybe claiming Gaza as his new real estate development project (legally binding vibes), President Trump had the world’s leaders gather for his Gaza summit in Egypt. There he stood on a stage and had each leader step up to a podium next to him to get a little Trump Roast™ before they had to individually celebrate his great achievement.
“Where’s the United Kingdom?” Trump said, before Keir Starmer stepped out from behind him. “Nice that you’re here. These people all came in like. . . 20-minute notice.” Keir shuffled back into place.
Everyone got a little Trump epithet in front of the cameras. To Italy’s prime minister Giorgia Meloni: “She’s a beautiful young woman. Now if you use the word beautiful in the United States, about a woman, that’s the end of your political career. But I’ll take my chances. . . . You don’t mind being called beautiful, right? Because you are.” Thank god he was behind a lectern.
