Hello, and welcome back to our weekly news roundup. Every week, this column is the closest we come to a lawsuit. Take my hand and risk being served papers.
Before the news, we just announced one of the biggest additions in Free Press history: an advice column by Abigail Shrier called Tough Love. Not only are we helping you make sense of the world, we’re therapizing you now too. You’re welcome. I was the first to publicly air out my neuroses—and I did get some beautiful advice.
Tough Love will land every Thursday afternoon, also known as TGIF eve—perfect timing to gain a little stability right before I knock you off your horse again. If you want to ask Abigail for advice yourself, click here to send her a letter. Happy venting!
Now, to the main event.
→ I stepped out: After the U.S. struck an alleged Venezuelan drug boat, two survivors clung to the wreckage and we struck it again. Gruesome stuff. And maybe illegal? Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth says he wasn’t there for that part. Speaking to reporters this week, Pete said he “didn’t stick around” to watch them click “bomb” on the supposed drug couriers holding on for dear life that night. His underlings “made the right call” but also, it was “the fog of war.” And: He wasn’t in the room? You’re watching a livestream video of the major military action our country’s engaged in right now and you step out after the first big boom? Was he at least watching it on the Hulu app on his phone in the car? How many other random drone bombs did we drop that night? Actually, don’t answer that.
Meanwhile, Trump is giving himself his own Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, the United States Institute of Peace, which had no particular president attached to it, has been renamed the Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace. I mean, he did do Middle East peace, and Obama was given a Nobel Peace Prize without doing any peace, really. So I’ll call it a draw.
