The smart phone/internet is decimating a wide swath of our kids. My one son was able to police himself and is succeeding academically; my other can't. Even if you take away their phones, nearly every school insists they have an iPad for class. The battle is nearly impossible to fight. Don't come at me with "use blocks and controls"; they…
The smart phone/internet is decimating a wide swath of our kids. My one son was able to police himself and is succeeding academically; my other can't. Even if you take away their phones, nearly every school insists they have an iPad for class. The battle is nearly impossible to fight. Don't come at me with "use blocks and controls"; they get around them.
As a result, I am sending my son to a boarding school that prohibits phones and internet access. Yes, it has gotten to that point. He is going to learn the old fashioned way. If we don't do this, he will finish high school- but barely. I hate that we have to resort to this... but I can not fight his addiction - and if many parents were honest with themselves, they'd admit their kids have the same problem. I do expect a different kid when he comes home at Thanksgiving; I look forward to seeing a rewired brain that can cope and thrive the way it used to.
Want to make money? Organize/build a school in your area that just says no to technology. Parents in droves would pay to have their kids be there.
I wanted to give some hopeful feedback. Our oldest son was struggling in high school (before cell phones were as crazy as they are now) and he went to a military school. It was the best thing we ever did for him. He couldn't self regulate and just needed to mature. He's in his 30's now, married with children and a wonderful father and husband. Some kids need more structure than others.
I hope more schools adopt a no phone / no screen scenario.
As we wait, we rented our home in the Silicon Valley out, packed our bags, and heading with our pre-teens to a small town in southern Europe. I am determined to postpone and limit this evil as much as I can.
I wish you, your son and us tons of luck. We need it.
Good for you! I only wish my parents had done the same, back when I would spend 8-10 hours a day on YTMND and GameFAQs.
It's not JUST that social media is addictive. It's that it rewires our brains. Our need to make friends in the real world and get them to like is has been replaced by the need to get likes on social media (BTW, please like my comment!). It gives us that same dopamine rush. The need to procreate has been replaced by pornography. The need to achieve results in the real world has been replaced by the need to achieve a high rank in a video game. Humans - as a species - are not evolved to handle the monsters we created. And that's pre-AI.
Good luck…. Addictions of all kinds are tough to break and tougher on the family. Hope your Thanksgiving is as you expect, and you report back the good news!
I completely agree. You are doing the right thing for your son and saving him from a life of turmoil. I wish all the best for him
If there was a school like that, we would send our kids too
I wonder why schools insist on the iPads and phones? All the teachers I talk to, hate it. They all wish there was no tech in class and just books. The teachers tell me administration is resistant.
I have 3 little kids and I limit screens to roughly 30 minutes a day (when brushing/ flossing teeth, cutting nails, applying sunscreen). My oldest, 2nd grade, unfortunately has to use an iPad at school but we leave it there. I am dreading the day when they force them to bring it home &plan to only allow it for homework only. When they are older, I will buy them non-data phones which can only call/text.
I hope it works. I know a now grown kid like that. He also discovered drugs and other angry kids who think their lives are useless, worthless, meaningless. They delivered drugs to the homes of the rich and famous. They were initiated into dabs and shatter by a neighbor mom. He appeared to straighten out after a 90 day sentence at 18. A couple years doing great in computer science in college. Then ... he is a street person now. Homeless. He's far too dangerous to have around. He doesn't care to be a "citizen". He takes drugs, hallucinates, and takes from anyone. He may well have murdered already. He is the opposite of a San Francisco 60's flower child. He is a Bay Area demon child. This one used to volunteer caring for animals for years...
As we have learned in the past month here on the FP, a female is just a non-man with a bonus hole. I asked my wife about that - she's a liberal Democrat - and she responded, "It's complicated." I guess it is if you want to make it so.
They never answer the questions directly. None of my business really, but has your relationship with your wife changed over the last several years due to politics?
I'm preemptively sorry for how that son will be treating you, and applaud your determination. So many parents are yielding control of their children to the internet and its manipulators, not understanding the risk or harm.
My friend was telling me what great parents her son and his wife are. Three kids, the oldest is 12. I mentioned smartphones. ‘Oh they have phones but...’. Internal eye roll on my part.
The smart phone/internet is decimating a wide swath of our kids. My one son was able to police himself and is succeeding academically; my other can't. Even if you take away their phones, nearly every school insists they have an iPad for class. The battle is nearly impossible to fight. Don't come at me with "use blocks and controls"; they get around them.
As a result, I am sending my son to a boarding school that prohibits phones and internet access. Yes, it has gotten to that point. He is going to learn the old fashioned way. If we don't do this, he will finish high school- but barely. I hate that we have to resort to this... but I can not fight his addiction - and if many parents were honest with themselves, they'd admit their kids have the same problem. I do expect a different kid when he comes home at Thanksgiving; I look forward to seeing a rewired brain that can cope and thrive the way it used to.
Want to make money? Organize/build a school in your area that just says no to technology. Parents in droves would pay to have their kids be there.
I wanted to give some hopeful feedback. Our oldest son was struggling in high school (before cell phones were as crazy as they are now) and he went to a military school. It was the best thing we ever did for him. He couldn't self regulate and just needed to mature. He's in his 30's now, married with children and a wonderful father and husband. Some kids need more structure than others.
Wow- thanks for the uplifting news!
I hope more schools adopt a no phone / no screen scenario.
As we wait, we rented our home in the Silicon Valley out, packed our bags, and heading with our pre-teens to a small town in southern Europe. I am determined to postpone and limit this evil as much as I can.
I wish you, your son and us tons of luck. We need it.
Good for you! I only wish my parents had done the same, back when I would spend 8-10 hours a day on YTMND and GameFAQs.
It's not JUST that social media is addictive. It's that it rewires our brains. Our need to make friends in the real world and get them to like is has been replaced by the need to get likes on social media (BTW, please like my comment!). It gives us that same dopamine rush. The need to procreate has been replaced by pornography. The need to achieve results in the real world has been replaced by the need to achieve a high rank in a video game. Humans - as a species - are not evolved to handle the monsters we created. And that's pre-AI.
My kid semi-wasted her high school years because of her phone. Also the pointless Covid lockdown.
Good luck…. Addictions of all kinds are tough to break and tougher on the family. Hope your Thanksgiving is as you expect, and you report back the good news!
I completely agree. You are doing the right thing for your son and saving him from a life of turmoil. I wish all the best for him
If there was a school like that, we would send our kids too
I wonder why schools insist on the iPads and phones? All the teachers I talk to, hate it. They all wish there was no tech in class and just books. The teachers tell me administration is resistant.
I have 3 little kids and I limit screens to roughly 30 minutes a day (when brushing/ flossing teeth, cutting nails, applying sunscreen). My oldest, 2nd grade, unfortunately has to use an iPad at school but we leave it there. I am dreading the day when they force them to bring it home &plan to only allow it for homework only. When they are older, I will buy them non-data phones which can only call/text.
https://www.waituntil8th.org
I hear you, Diana, and agree.
I think the right analogy is like cocaine in CocaCola. Eventually we decided against it, after terrible human cost, and need to do the same now.
💯. Too many are addicted to realize it right now.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
- William Butler Yeats
The Second Coming
Perhaps it is time for...
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
- William Butler Yeats
The Second Coming
I hope it works. I know a now grown kid like that. He also discovered drugs and other angry kids who think their lives are useless, worthless, meaningless. They delivered drugs to the homes of the rich and famous. They were initiated into dabs and shatter by a neighbor mom. He appeared to straighten out after a 90 day sentence at 18. A couple years doing great in computer science in college. Then ... he is a street person now. Homeless. He's far too dangerous to have around. He doesn't care to be a "citizen". He takes drugs, hallucinates, and takes from anyone. He may well have murdered already. He is the opposite of a San Francisco 60's flower child. He is a Bay Area demon child. This one used to volunteer caring for animals for years...
So sorry, your heart must be broken.
Gosh what a terrible post Brian.
The other is a young woman I helped through grad school. She had a professor who....
She told me that the message of my generation, and the world, was, that the best thing a girl could do is to dig a hole, bury herself in it and die.
She is quite correct about this message. Even the very existence of her sex is being negated now.
Both of these people are (or were) intelligent, thoughtful, caring people. Both see....
what?
As we have learned in the past month here on the FP, a female is just a non-man with a bonus hole. I asked my wife about that - she's a liberal Democrat - and she responded, "It's complicated." I guess it is if you want to make it so.
They never answer the questions directly. None of my business really, but has your relationship with your wife changed over the last several years due to politics?
Not really. There are more important things in life.
I'm glad.
Has your wife read FP? I think it’s a great way to open someone’s eyes
I agree, but no. She's allergic to contrary information.
You are my hero of the day. Thank you more parents need to follow your example.
I'm preemptively sorry for how that son will be treating you, and applaud your determination. So many parents are yielding control of their children to the internet and its manipulators, not understanding the risk or harm.
My friend was telling me what great parents her son and his wife are. Three kids, the oldest is 12. I mentioned smartphones. ‘Oh they have phones but...’. Internal eye roll on my part.
Bullshit, they suffering the same fate as all of us.