We have names for husbands and wives who lose their spouses (widow, widower), and for children who lose parents (orphans) but there is no name for parents who lose children because it is too awful to name.
Actually we do in Sanskrit, Vilomah, which means тАЬout of order deathтАЭ and in another translation :тАЭwhen the dark hairs die before the grayтАЭ. тЭдя╕П
That is correct. I have read that before. It is the worst fear of anyone who has a child. And when it comes true, then all other fears suddenly seem possible. At the same time, you don't care, because you ask yourself "what could be worse than that?"
Exactly. Even my ordinary parental fears of something happening to my other children are less paralyzing, because it's already happened to me, and if it were to happen again, there is absolutely nothing I could do about it. It's a troubling feeling of resignation.
I seek to be grateful for everything I have, because I am all to aware of how easily it can be lost.
The bonus is that gratitude is the foundation for all my happiness. Instead of focusing on what I don't have--which only makes a person angry and dissatisfied and greedy--I try to focus on what I do have. Which is a lot, despite being much poorer, financially, than most people here seem to be.
yup - I was JUST talking about this with a nun, this morning, saying that gratitude gets you through so much. We lost our 5 year old daughter to a brain tumor, almost 13 years ago.
A few months later, my wife and i decided to try to have an other child and now we have a beautiful, bright, wonderful girl.
I pray to Molly every morning and thank her for sending Catherine, and I thank the Lord for letting me know, love, and cherish two daughters.
Thankfully Colin and his wife found a way to handle the dreadful pain they suffer. Losing a child rips a hole in your soul. Eased with time, perhaps accepted to a level where you can progress, never healed.
That's another fallacy. I speak as a member of the club. Every day I encounter directly or indirectly people who face griefs more serious than mine, many of which are ongoing. Behold, for a trivial example, the first adoptee in the essay who, in effect, died voluntarily.
All I can say is "Wow" - what a lovely poignant essay. It could help anyone face the grief that we all will encounter at some point. Bravo.
No we wonтАЩt. Losing children is incomparable.
We have names for husbands and wives who lose their spouses (widow, widower), and for children who lose parents (orphans) but there is no name for parents who lose children because it is too awful to name.
Actually we do in Sanskrit, Vilomah, which means тАЬout of order deathтАЭ and in another translation :тАЭwhen the dark hairs die before the grayтАЭ. тЭдя╕П
Thank you for sharing that! I'm glad that at least one culture on earth has been able to put a name to it.
Oh that is so eloquent. Thank you for sharing that.
That is correct. I have read that before. It is the worst fear of anyone who has a child. And when it comes true, then all other fears suddenly seem possible. At the same time, you don't care, because you ask yourself "what could be worse than that?"
Exactly. Even my ordinary parental fears of something happening to my other children are less paralyzing, because it's already happened to me, and if it were to happen again, there is absolutely nothing I could do about it. It's a troubling feeling of resignation.
Celia, I eventually got to a place of feeling acceptance of my life and the uncertainties of life and, for the most part, gave up fighting it.
I seek to be grateful for everything I have, because I am all to aware of how easily it can be lost.
The bonus is that gratitude is the foundation for all my happiness. Instead of focusing on what I don't have--which only makes a person angry and dissatisfied and greedy--I try to focus on what I do have. Which is a lot, despite being much poorer, financially, than most people here seem to be.
yup - I was JUST talking about this with a nun, this morning, saying that gratitude gets you through so much. We lost our 5 year old daughter to a brain tumor, almost 13 years ago.
A few months later, my wife and i decided to try to have an other child and now we have a beautiful, bright, wonderful girl.
I pray to Molly every morning and thank her for sending Catherine, and I thank the Lord for letting me know, love, and cherish two daughters.
After 10 years, I'm still trying to accept it.
Oh that is crushingly well said
I heard that first said by a wise priest who eulogized a young man who had died.
Thankfully Colin and his wife found a way to handle the dreadful pain they suffer. Losing a child rips a hole in your soul. Eased with time, perhaps accepted to a level where you can progress, never healed.
That's another fallacy. I speak as a member of the club. Every day I encounter directly or indirectly people who face griefs more serious than mine, many of which are ongoing. Behold, for a trivial example, the first adoptee in the essay who, in effect, died voluntarily.
I uttered that exactly, then took a deep sigh. Wow.