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Amadgin's avatar

25 years ago I was on a ventilator in the hospital paralyzed from the neck down with a mysterious illness. College had killed the last of any belief I had in God, along with America - both replaced with some kind of vague relativism and a smug disdain for anything sincere. Unable to move or speak I was conscious but essentially buried in my body. The understanding was I would either not make it at all or - maybe if things turned around - make it and never walk again. I was terrified, at my lowest point, and for the first time in years I started praying. All I can say is God came to me in that moment - or more I was with God and God was with me. It was an experience of profound bliss, sheer joy, torrents of pure love, complete peace and a deep understanding. I knew I would be ok and that even if I didn't make it I'd be ok anyway. It's the first time I experienced something larger than myself and at the same time something that I was part of fully. One important and totally loved drop in an ocean of pure Love.

Purpose is like that. It's the ability to sit with and accept pain and difficulty and challenge. It's knowing things will be ok. And that you're both part of and in service to something infinitely larger than yourself. It's living your life not as a one and done but as a continuum.

It's sad to me that Americans have lost our ability to both accept the challenges and to love each other and everyone else in a transcendent way, to recognize that we are interconnected - though individually we're not all that powerful, we're all here now and part of something that is enormously powerful and has a unique ability to profoundly change the world for the better. Young people are being taught that it's better to anesthetize and shield from difficulty and challenge instead of looking deeply into it, accepting it and finding opportunity in it. That doing the right and loving thing isn't necessary when it's the hard thing, which it so often is. that they're a singular point in time, not both a unique and amazing point in time and part of an infinite wave. They are taught to define their lives through a sense of shame and shaming, not a sense of being profoundly loved and given a unique gift to choose a love bigger than themselves in this lifetime. It is no wonder they are depressed and anxious. How alone and senseless that must feel.

For me it wasn't an easy recovery and I did have to relearn how to walk - but it was a near full one. That experience is the most cherished of my life, and I'd do the whole thing again a million times over. Is every day of my life since a perfect day? Yes and no. Sometimes things are tough and I feel temporarily defeated. But that's the thing about living your life with a sense of purpose and hope. It's buoyant. Happy Spring, Happy Easter everyone.

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Kathleen Intile's avatar

That was absolutely beautiful thank you for your story. I hope you are doing well and that God continues to bless you.

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Caleb's avatar

Enjoyed your great post. Thank you. A nice read on Easter.

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Skinny's avatar

Beautiful post so inspirational ❤️❤️Thank you!

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L.K. Collins's avatar

You have been blessed with a level of understanding that today's hedonists find difficult to accept.

Their problem, not yours.

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Linda in MI's avatar

We need God more when we’re suffering. I hope you can make a believer out of a non-believer by sharing your beautiful experience. Thank You for sharing!

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Alan Clute's avatar

Thank you so much for this comment. We live in a time when these Truths need teaching, and our young have been cheated in their education and left unprepared to live a full adult life. The Universe is a Saint Factory, reincarnation and karma are real, and your growth in God’s direction is always supported in some form.

A strong clear voice urging us onward is that of Jordan Peterson. His YouTube videos are invaluable.

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Mike Jonsson's avatar

Thank you, so much, for sharing your story.

God bless.

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Matt C's avatar

Way to rock life VA. Thank you for connecting suffering to your satisfaction of life. It is what creates the depth of how we paint our lives. The cessation & avoidance of suffering in modern life is the suffocation of life itself. Those who choose that will always feel a void in the love department and will not be engaged in living life to the fullest, which is very sad as you pointed out. If they believe in infinite love which is defined as God by some, Universe by others, or any other name; you have the birth of hope in hand when you need it most instead of a pill.

Thank you for the gift you wrote today. Your words enriched me.

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JCB's avatar

What a gift you learned.

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Ralph Hicks's avatar

Probably the best comment ever! Thank you. It is often the deepest despair that propels us to find our soul.

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Lucy's avatar

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

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NCMaureen's avatar

Beautiful, brought tears.

Thanks for sharing.

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Shirley G's avatar

Wow this is amazing. Thanks for sharing your story. I agree about the shame and shaming being such a tragic piece of this. Is it any surprise that you can’t force people to love each other by telling them how awful they are?

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Ken McGuire's avatar

I think this may be the best comment post I've ever read.

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David Burse's avatar

Guillain-Barre??

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Running Burning Man's avatar

Precisely what I thought. Most recover tho it can take years. But pretty scary stuff

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Amadgin's avatar

Hi yes. severe case. 3 months in the hospital.

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David Burse's avatar

I've known a few people in my life who also went through that. One (father of one of my best friends) did not survive the vent. He was a WWII vet and life long smoker, altough I don't know if his smoking mattered. That was in the mid-1980s. More than a decade later, one of my law partners went through it. Same as you - 3 mos. in hospital including on a vent, Then a long time in rehab facility. He had to relearn to talk, walk, etc. Used a cane for a while. He was an avid golfer, and I believe was eventually able to swing a club again.

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Amadgin's avatar

Different people seem to experience it differently with different outcomes it seems. I know a few who survived but had partial paralysis also.

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Jack Sant's avatar

Wow! Seriously wow.

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