"I have availed myself of many of the 'solutions' to aging that capitalism has provided."
Funny... does capitalism create the problem it then solves? The commodification of the body, so that everyone can sell themselves in more creative ways in a desperate fight for security? While drained of resources to fund an ever expanding array of "needs"? Then it offers the fix.
I'll never forget an interview I watched years ago of Sophia Loren, a truly beautiful woman in so many ways who at the time was in her 60s.
She was asked something like "How do you stay so beautiful, ageless? Every woman on the planet would love to know your secrets".
Her answer?
Something about being one of the luckiest women in the world whose career, loving, intelligent and supporting husband as well as family made her rich and comfortable enough for her to be able to sleep 10 hours a night uninterrupted, have people to do all the tedious house work and chores, others to help take care of the children and a secretary to organise her daily activities, parties and travels.
Then she said something that stayed with me:
"I'm not special, any other woman as lucky as I have been would be the same, have the means to be as beautiful as you say I am."
It pains me that this writer is so distressed by her aging and the consequences.
I just spent 2 weeks in Greece with 3 girlfriends (all still married), aged between 55 and 63. We had such a blast.
What was so special for us was the adventure with lovely ladies who have known each other for almost 20 years. We had no need of the male gaze, nor was it missed.
It is a liberating time of life, so enjoy it rather than preoccupy yourself with regret
This is what happens when you are irretrievably shallow. I cannot imagine how "horrid" it must be in women's minds when all they care about is their appearance - and suddenly they age a bit.
Fortunately for those of us with lives of substance? We don't have to scream with rage at dinner parties. We have husbands, children, community, goals, careers and accomplishments. We aren't ignored because we are older - because we didn't base our lives on appearance that is no longer shiny and perfect.
In fact, some of us have *real* problems that highlight just how stupid and shallow the women in this piece really are. They'll be ok. Just spend another $10k on an outfit and get some more Botox. While us real women spend wisely on investments in ourselves, our families and our communities.
There have been and continue to be innumerable older women role models who have been far from invisible: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Margaret Thatcher, Tina Turner, Julia Child, Rita Moreno, Betty White, Frances McDormand, and Meryl Streep, to name a celebrity few. You just have to decide, as you age (and this holds true especially for attractive women who spent their youth relying on their looks), that you are worth more than the shell that drapes your soul.
I turned 80 several years back, and after decades of worrying about — and trying to correct — droops and wrinkles, I decided to take a new tack. While I do try to still stay in shape through exercise, I’ve mostly given up on the rest because I’ve discovered that it comforts many people to encounter a confident, gray-haired old lady simply but elegantly dressed, wearing a big smile and bright red lipstic.
I had a midlife crisis when I was 45 and realized nobody noticed me anymore. I hadn't realized I was noticed, until I wasn't. Okay, so, now my odometer is about to hit 60. Did you know that if nobody notices you, you can do whatever you want? If nobody's opinion is on you, your opinion is worth much more. Don't be afraid to go unnoticed. Get that frizzy gray hair, and use your free time to learn new things and go where you want. You're richer for it.
I just googled Ms. Froelich, as I had no idea who she might be. She has lead quite a life.
The ever-increasing "invisibility" that she complains of affects the vast majority of humanity (myself included), or at least that part of it that fails to measure up to some imposed standard of physical beauty that she and those in her circle somehow once met.
That's life. I've only been able to control my response.
I read the first paragraph of this story to my girlfriend, the rant about women being invisible, and this is what she had to say. First, a word about her: she is 58, weight appropriate, a reader, makers her own jewelry, loyal to her family, never married, could not have kids, went to Texas A&M, and a happy well adjusted person. What she said was "I felt invisible for a lot of my life and I just decided that I didn't care." So, it seems that for many women, its not the being invisible part that hurts, it's the loss of being the center of attention for so many years that causes them to pound on tables. I dated those ladies back when they were young, and can report that they organized everything to maximize the benefits to themselves based on the way they looked. And now, their only asset has diminished in value, and a new crop of girls are right behind them and its the new young and hot's turn to play the game. Back when the older ladies dressed to attract attention, they complained about the dreaded 'male gaze' and now, they complain about being invisible. Essentially, it is now the turn of younger women to be in the spotlight and the older women are bitter. Every bit of the world's wisdom literature warns that old age is coming and one had best prepare for it, but these ladies did not, and I just can't feel sorry for them. Steps aside with grace, and enjoy what older age offers, and let go of your past, ladies, because bitter and old isn't a good look.
Did it ever occur that the issue is not aging, but values? If all one values is youth and beauty, of course one will be disappointed with aging. If one values character, aging is a mellowing that enhances, not diminishes. I suspect that the "friend" chased the latest new, new thing without building real relationships that will last. I would offer that anyone who starts an article with "I was at a dinner party in the Hamptons" and recounts the many surgical procedures she's had courts the same danger. You are bailing the ocean, instead of shoring up the boat.
I'm 51 and loving my life. I dance 6 hours a week with a bunch of teens and challenge myself to do new tricks in Modern. My hair is turning grey and I do have more wrinkles but that's not what defines me. (I do use nice creams-- Evan Healy and Juice Beauty-- but no face lifts or hair dye or any of that stuff for me!)
I remember a story the great Molly Ivins (Who I dearly miss and was taken from us way too soon) told about a Texas legislator who was a known hound dog and he said “There are three things in this society that are universally overrated; Mack trucks, the FBI, and young pussy.” That was a man of taste. I so wish we still had Molly with us as an aging Grand Dame.
"I have availed myself of many of the 'solutions' to aging that capitalism has provided."
Funny... does capitalism create the problem it then solves? The commodification of the body, so that everyone can sell themselves in more creative ways in a desperate fight for security? While drained of resources to fund an ever expanding array of "needs"? Then it offers the fix.
At least we have Diet Coke.
I'll never forget an interview I watched years ago of Sophia Loren, a truly beautiful woman in so many ways who at the time was in her 60s.
She was asked something like "How do you stay so beautiful, ageless? Every woman on the planet would love to know your secrets".
Her answer?
Something about being one of the luckiest women in the world whose career, loving, intelligent and supporting husband as well as family made her rich and comfortable enough for her to be able to sleep 10 hours a night uninterrupted, have people to do all the tedious house work and chores, others to help take care of the children and a secretary to organise her daily activities, parties and travels.
Then she said something that stayed with me:
"I'm not special, any other woman as lucky as I have been would be the same, have the means to be as beautiful as you say I am."
Class will always shine through.
It pains me that this writer is so distressed by her aging and the consequences.
I just spent 2 weeks in Greece with 3 girlfriends (all still married), aged between 55 and 63. We had such a blast.
What was so special for us was the adventure with lovely ladies who have known each other for almost 20 years. We had no need of the male gaze, nor was it missed.
It is a liberating time of life, so enjoy it rather than preoccupy yourself with regret
This is what happens when you are irretrievably shallow. I cannot imagine how "horrid" it must be in women's minds when all they care about is their appearance - and suddenly they age a bit.
Fortunately for those of us with lives of substance? We don't have to scream with rage at dinner parties. We have husbands, children, community, goals, careers and accomplishments. We aren't ignored because we are older - because we didn't base our lives on appearance that is no longer shiny and perfect.
In fact, some of us have *real* problems that highlight just how stupid and shallow the women in this piece really are. They'll be ok. Just spend another $10k on an outfit and get some more Botox. While us real women spend wisely on investments in ourselves, our families and our communities.
There have been and continue to be innumerable older women role models who have been far from invisible: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Margaret Thatcher, Tina Turner, Julia Child, Rita Moreno, Betty White, Frances McDormand, and Meryl Streep, to name a celebrity few. You just have to decide, as you age (and this holds true especially for attractive women who spent their youth relying on their looks), that you are worth more than the shell that drapes your soul.
I turned 80 several years back, and after decades of worrying about — and trying to correct — droops and wrinkles, I decided to take a new tack. While I do try to still stay in shape through exercise, I’ve mostly given up on the rest because I’ve discovered that it comforts many people to encounter a confident, gray-haired old lady simply but elegantly dressed, wearing a big smile and bright red lipstic.
Yeah don't do any of that stuff. Just be healthy and yourself.
I had a midlife crisis when I was 45 and realized nobody noticed me anymore. I hadn't realized I was noticed, until I wasn't. Okay, so, now my odometer is about to hit 60. Did you know that if nobody notices you, you can do whatever you want? If nobody's opinion is on you, your opinion is worth much more. Don't be afraid to go unnoticed. Get that frizzy gray hair, and use your free time to learn new things and go where you want. You're richer for it.
I just googled Ms. Froelich, as I had no idea who she might be. She has lead quite a life.
The ever-increasing "invisibility" that she complains of affects the vast majority of humanity (myself included), or at least that part of it that fails to measure up to some imposed standard of physical beauty that she and those in her circle somehow once met.
That's life. I've only been able to control my response.
I read the first paragraph of this story to my girlfriend, the rant about women being invisible, and this is what she had to say. First, a word about her: she is 58, weight appropriate, a reader, makers her own jewelry, loyal to her family, never married, could not have kids, went to Texas A&M, and a happy well adjusted person. What she said was "I felt invisible for a lot of my life and I just decided that I didn't care." So, it seems that for many women, its not the being invisible part that hurts, it's the loss of being the center of attention for so many years that causes them to pound on tables. I dated those ladies back when they were young, and can report that they organized everything to maximize the benefits to themselves based on the way they looked. And now, their only asset has diminished in value, and a new crop of girls are right behind them and its the new young and hot's turn to play the game. Back when the older ladies dressed to attract attention, they complained about the dreaded 'male gaze' and now, they complain about being invisible. Essentially, it is now the turn of younger women to be in the spotlight and the older women are bitter. Every bit of the world's wisdom literature warns that old age is coming and one had best prepare for it, but these ladies did not, and I just can't feel sorry for them. Steps aside with grace, and enjoy what older age offers, and let go of your past, ladies, because bitter and old isn't a good look.
Great take on the situation we find ourselves in. I've been fascinated lately by the structures of beliefs in people's lives.
Did it ever occur that the issue is not aging, but values? If all one values is youth and beauty, of course one will be disappointed with aging. If one values character, aging is a mellowing that enhances, not diminishes. I suspect that the "friend" chased the latest new, new thing without building real relationships that will last. I would offer that anyone who starts an article with "I was at a dinner party in the Hamptons" and recounts the many surgical procedures she's had courts the same danger. You are bailing the ocean, instead of shoring up the boat.
I'm 51 and loving my life. I dance 6 hours a week with a bunch of teens and challenge myself to do new tricks in Modern. My hair is turning grey and I do have more wrinkles but that's not what defines me. (I do use nice creams-- Evan Healy and Juice Beauty-- but no face lifts or hair dye or any of that stuff for me!)
I remember a story the great Molly Ivins (Who I dearly miss and was taken from us way too soon) told about a Texas legislator who was a known hound dog and he said “There are three things in this society that are universally overrated; Mack trucks, the FBI, and young pussy.” That was a man of taste. I so wish we still had Molly with us as an aging Grand Dame.
I’m 60. I’m happy with how I look at 60.
But more importantly I have a lot of people I love in my life, and I keep my mind busy. If people ignore me, it’s their loss.
This 🙌🙌❤️
Beauty is love deep.
Whaaa