I was in the first ever ad for Tinder...10 years ago. I've been on every app for a decade and so tired of the game. Especially in the gay world, it's rare to even find someone who even wants to go out on an actual date (dinner?) at all and not just "spontaneously" end up meeting out at a club one night after following each other's wherea…
I was in the first ever ad for Tinder...10 years ago. I've been on every app for a decade and so tired of the game. Especially in the gay world, it's rare to even find someone who even wants to go out on an actual date (dinner?) at all and not just "spontaneously" end up meeting out at a club one night after following each other's whereabouts on Instagram. I was set up with someone who wouldn't even go on a first date without the mutual friend also being there as a "buffer". God forbid taking a chance and just meeting someone new for an hour. We had to reschedule 5 times between our three schedules and it never even ended up happening. Dating in the 21st century is an absolute mess
My gay son is 33 and has never had a boyfriend. He has lots of gay friends but they’re all in a relationship, some are in their second or third relationship, a few are married. When he does meet someone who’s “available”, they have usually just come out of a bad relationship and aren’t interested in a new one, they’re still hurting. He’s painfully shy, so my personal theory is that he hangs out with committed couples where the individuals are not available because he’s actually scared of someone being truly available. Kind of like women who choose the wrong guy over and over. Afraid to commit so unconsciously pick a dead end. I went through that phase in both college and law school. The irony was that when I finally stopped looking, that’s when I met my husband. Maybe the key is to just give up and live your life and be yourself. Kind of like what Philly Guy said earlier. Good luck to you!!!
I actually wrote a big tirade a couple months ago on this exact topic.
My theory is that dating-app-syndrome has hit gay men even harder, who don’t have trad social structure to fall back on, a male mentality seeking novelty, and unless you live in a city with over five million, very few locations and clubs meant to facilitate actual conversation.
The amount of flaking that under 30s accept in this day and age is also truly ridiculous.
If it makes you feel any better Justin, gay women I know are having the same experience. Many straight women I know always blamed it on men, but we all know, removing the gender difference does not make having a meaningful connection/relationship/marriage any easier to attain! Best of luck! Don't give up!!
Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re living this. You sound like a genuine person seeking a genuine relationship in a genuine and honest way. You deserve that, and I hope you get it. <3
I remember graduating for college back in 2012 and with my degree, with my job, I was ready to hit the dating scene. So being a book worm all my life, I decided to "educate" myself on how to "talk/date" women.
I read books like "The Game" by Neil Strauss, got a gym membership, and put myself in uncomfortable situations because, according to the book, the more comfortable you are being uncomfortable, the more you can navigate life. From the gym to random meet ups, I began feeling more comfortable and dating great women from time to time.
Then, it had to be around 2014 and Men's Health ran an article about this app called "Tinder." They also mentioned the phenomenon known as "Netflix and Chill." I remember reading that article because the reader warned that these apps would destroy dating as we knew it.
And I remember agreeing with him. Because prior to those apps, I had to work to overcome my fear. I had to work, to step up to the plate. Dating is a psychological process first and if you can do those things overtime, you gain skills and abilities that you can literally apply anywhere in any facet of life.
Unfortunately, technology, in its attempts to make things better, has made things worse in this aspect. I think we have to come to the conclusion that there as some aspects where technology just shouldn't touch and in helping us build relationships, that's a human component that technology can never fulfill. It can help, but nothing beats the real world connection.
I was in the first ever ad for Tinder...10 years ago. I've been on every app for a decade and so tired of the game. Especially in the gay world, it's rare to even find someone who even wants to go out on an actual date (dinner?) at all and not just "spontaneously" end up meeting out at a club one night after following each other's whereabouts on Instagram. I was set up with someone who wouldn't even go on a first date without the mutual friend also being there as a "buffer". God forbid taking a chance and just meeting someone new for an hour. We had to reschedule 5 times between our three schedules and it never even ended up happening. Dating in the 21st century is an absolute mess
My gay son is 33 and has never had a boyfriend. He has lots of gay friends but they’re all in a relationship, some are in their second or third relationship, a few are married. When he does meet someone who’s “available”, they have usually just come out of a bad relationship and aren’t interested in a new one, they’re still hurting. He’s painfully shy, so my personal theory is that he hangs out with committed couples where the individuals are not available because he’s actually scared of someone being truly available. Kind of like women who choose the wrong guy over and over. Afraid to commit so unconsciously pick a dead end. I went through that phase in both college and law school. The irony was that when I finally stopped looking, that’s when I met my husband. Maybe the key is to just give up and live your life and be yourself. Kind of like what Philly Guy said earlier. Good luck to you!!!
I actually wrote a big tirade a couple months ago on this exact topic.
My theory is that dating-app-syndrome has hit gay men even harder, who don’t have trad social structure to fall back on, a male mentality seeking novelty, and unless you live in a city with over five million, very few locations and clubs meant to facilitate actual conversation.
The amount of flaking that under 30s accept in this day and age is also truly ridiculous.
If it makes you feel any better Justin, gay women I know are having the same experience. Many straight women I know always blamed it on men, but we all know, removing the gender difference does not make having a meaningful connection/relationship/marriage any easier to attain! Best of luck! Don't give up!!
Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re living this. You sound like a genuine person seeking a genuine relationship in a genuine and honest way. You deserve that, and I hope you get it. <3
I remember graduating for college back in 2012 and with my degree, with my job, I was ready to hit the dating scene. So being a book worm all my life, I decided to "educate" myself on how to "talk/date" women.
I read books like "The Game" by Neil Strauss, got a gym membership, and put myself in uncomfortable situations because, according to the book, the more comfortable you are being uncomfortable, the more you can navigate life. From the gym to random meet ups, I began feeling more comfortable and dating great women from time to time.
Then, it had to be around 2014 and Men's Health ran an article about this app called "Tinder." They also mentioned the phenomenon known as "Netflix and Chill." I remember reading that article because the reader warned that these apps would destroy dating as we knew it.
And I remember agreeing with him. Because prior to those apps, I had to work to overcome my fear. I had to work, to step up to the plate. Dating is a psychological process first and if you can do those things overtime, you gain skills and abilities that you can literally apply anywhere in any facet of life.
Unfortunately, technology, in its attempts to make things better, has made things worse in this aspect. I think we have to come to the conclusion that there as some aspects where technology just shouldn't touch and in helping us build relationships, that's a human component that technology can never fulfill. It can help, but nothing beats the real world connection.