22 Comments

Don't be afraid to give orders: never end a command with "..., ok?" unless the matter is truly negotiable.

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Oh. And one other thing. Save a lot of money for massively larger grocery bills when your son hits puberty. You will not believe how much a teenage boy can eat!

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I have no experience with a second as our Nick, aka Nickman or Little Man (at 6 ft. 210lbs and 25 years old) was an only child. No matter the circumstance, second child, only child, boy, girl...you'll think of things to worry about. We worried because he had no siblings. So we learned how to play guns and hide behind trees and fit into the playground slides. But here are some truths I learned. 1. You cannot tell them you love them or hug them too much. 2. Spoil the hell out of them but firmly teach them what is right and what is wrong. No one but you and them will know how spoiled they are because they won't fit the stereotype of a spoiled child. When they always know their boundaries, they will also appreciate how much you have done for them. 3. Read to them every day and teach them that a good book is a movie in their mind. Boys (at least my Nickman did) like Richard Scarry and Captain Underpants. 4. Boys will talk to you and let you know what's going on when they are damn good and ready. So back off Moms. They're not as gabby as us girls. 5. Hang on and enjoy the ride. It will fly by. The minute they leave your womb, they begin leaving you. Your job is to get them ready for that and you'll figure out what to do with yourselves and your much quieter house when the time comes. And lastly, you cannot love them or hug them too much.

Congratulations!

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With my first newborn, I suddenly had fresh insight into why ancient literature is so rife with infant abandonment. My kids were all lucky we didn't live near a Greek mountaintop. As a mother of two boys and stepmother of one girl, I seriously believe the biggest challenge is providing them purposeful physical tasks, and coming up with new ones until they leave home. If I had it to do over, I'd go the scandinavian forest school route - only because we don't live near any farmers who might put the kids to proper use. And my two best de-escalation tips: 1) let angry kids throw eggs at a fence or tree outside; 2) model a willingness to put yourself into "time-out" when you get angry, so they see adults also need time to self-regulate.

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Jul 10·edited Jul 10

Congratulations on a sweet baby boy! I really enjoyed this episode. The advice you received was excellent. Bari's parents are hoot.

As a mother with three boys, I can tell you are are active, loud, wild, and sometimes gross; but so very sweet and loving.

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Our eight kids (five girls, three boys) seem to have turned out well -- at least there's been no scandal. The youngest is in med school and about to get married, so I suppose there's enough evidence in to make an assessment.

I attribute this almost entirely to genetics and luck, or, let's just say Providence.

The only advice we give parents, and we stand by it, is that anything you have to do to keep you from throwing the baby off the porch is in its best interest.

בשעה טובה

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Please devote another hour with David and Dave Rubin 😁

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I echo your guest’s comments about feeling heartbroken for the first child when bringing home the second child! Also, I agree on the importance of a routine and never giving into temper tantrums.

My first child was a girl and second was a boy and they were (and still are) night and day different. I also felt inadequate parenting a boy initially.

What really surprised me was how absolutely sweet, sensitive and loving my boy was and still is. (He cried when listening to Celine Dion’s song from Titanic at the age of 4.)

At the same time he was rambunctious, enthusiastic, loud and funny. He was extremely curious about everything and couldn’t help touching everything new, which was a problem when shopping especially when he was really young. So I came up with the “one finger rule.” He was allowed to touch anything, within reason, with one finger. I felt that was a good way to allow him to satisfy his curiosity without always saying “no” or punishing him. Or trying to pry an object out of his small but mighty grip. It worked out pretty well for all of us.

Blessings to you on your growing family! ❤️

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Final comment:

Okay I got to the boy mom part. I did hear correctly your having a boy. I think teaching a boy to be a man starts day 1. Sometimes I think I get looks when i’m telling my 3 and a half year old son to quit crying and be a man. But I still kiss his scrape and make it better.

I stand by my earlier comment how to stop a tantrum which isn’t a hyper masculine approach. Also, If I hit my son with a pillow, when hes upset, oh he’d fight me alright but it wouldn’t be playful.

Being a man is being a protector and its putting yourself last. Making sure your wife and kids have everything before you do. Oh? is that not fair? Suck it up and be a man. Life’s not fair. I started that message early.

Society emphatically will not teach a boy how to be a man in 2024. I plan on putting him in wrestling when he turns 4. Like I said in my prior comment and expecting him to do difficult things in life without complaint. Breaking down with emotion is a privilege that men don’t always get to have.

Also probably a boy thing, potty training was a struggle for a bit since he told us shitting his pants was “Fun! BIG Fun!” Yeah… Okay bro…

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I hope he learns to be tough but soft from me. I don't think I've had the relationship problems that men commonly have with women since I was raised by a single mom and grew up watching soap operas with her everyday lol.

When he's older I intend to make him look a person in the eye shake their hand and say hes sorry, when he makes mistakes. But then hug him and tell him i'm proud of him.

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words of advice Read "Turtles all the way down" and both books by RFK on Anthony Fauci and the Wuhan Cover up. before agreeing to any vaccinations. Do not blindly accept the so call recommendations. Children Defense league (RFK Jr. outfit) has good information.

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Beautiful episode!

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Bari and Nellie,

I am a loyal listener and reader who recently became a grandpa (Papa) to my daughter's fraternal female twins, who turn 2 this August, and Baby Elliot, who was born on Shavuot last month.

I too was fairly set in my opinion about birth order, as we have 3 adult children, And I am the middle of 3 children. But the twin girls are so different.

One is a thinker, the other is a feeler.

One is more competitive, and the other passive.

So that blew out my birth order theory, but then again, in utero, the more completive one was a fighter, since she was first out and smaller. They had to closely monitor her to insure she was getting enough nutrition. So I guess the answer is, it depends.

Good luck, it will all be great!

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Before the baby is 5 months old, stash the first kid with family and go on a long weekend vacation. If the baby does the average amount of crying, it’s basically like taking a somewhat fragile suitcase. You won’t get this opportunity for a long time.

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In the spirit of a respectful public square and with no animus whatsoever towards any lifestyle or identity, I ask a question as a genuinely curious moderate conservative straight male: how would questions regarding paternity(or maternity) and haplotype identity be answered in a same sex parental household? Annette Bening and Julianne Moore didn’t really explain this in “The Kids Are Alright”. The Free Press and Honestly have brought me closer to the center on many issues, and I am impressed by the tolerance The Free Press has demonstrated towards views and public figures with whom they disagree.

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Another comment….

Did I hear correctly that you are having a son?

I was raised by a single mom after my father passed away when I was young.

My mom pushed my older brother and I hard into wrestling when I was in Elementary school. I loved it. I won fights because of it in high school and college. In college one was a fight that needed to happen to keep someone safe. But as an adult I asked my mom why she pushed us so hard to wrestle.

She said that she wanted to make sure her boys to learn the “macho stuff” she couldn’t teach us as a woman. And wrestling was the mostly macho sport she could think of that didn’t cause brain damage.

If you have a son, one day he is going to need or want to protect someone. Its best when that day comes he can win the fight.

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I need to comment further….

You know the concept of birth order comes from Alfred Adler? As an Adlerian therapist I can tell you birth order hasn’t held up in research as a determining factor of personality.

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