Make a routine. Get physical. Get metaphysical. Live with your grandchildren. And never, ever go to a work dinner. Read all about the five small steps Arthur Brooks took to get happier.
As an unpopular, overweight, miserable, working class 13 year old bookworm, I sat down to have a big think one day and came to a double-headed conclusion. First, I would have to make my own Happiness the top priority in life--but not by pursuing money, status, possessions, popularity, etc. as those things didn't seem to confer happiness on others. And second, since my intelligence hadn't been enough to deliver happiness, I would have to step up my game and figure out how to acquire Wisdom. Whatever the hell that was!
At bottom, Wisdom is really just the ability to consistently make good choices. And the better choice is often the harder choice: it almost always pays off better.
One of my catch-phrases for young friends: "When we choose hard things, they make us. When we choose easy things, they break us."
Drilling down on those two goals--happiness and wisdom--from an early age worked. I'm a very happily married, very healthy 65 year old who makes enough to afford 7 weeks paid vacation each year from 9 hobbies/callings that I ramped up to professional level. I have No Desire to retire.
I encourage young people to find the Actions that make them Happy and then do them over and over again.
And if my obituary only had room for one word about my life, that word would be "rollicking."
Many cultures don't focus on personal happiness. In my Ukrainian culture happiness is derived from meaningful work and meaningful relationships. I wonder if Mr. Brooks can devote some times to happiness from different cultural aspects.
I’m hoping you’ll give serious thought to high 80s and beyond. At this age many are no longer high functioning, but some are. It’s not like the 70s once you’re 90…
I just tried to leave a comment. I don’t see it. Hope I’m not duplicating it.
I love your discipline approach, particularly a day that starts with exercise and prayer and a communal setting. I have a similar approach. I just wrote about in my Substack blog Wealth&Fulfillment. The title is Some Days I Succeed; Some Days I Begin Again. https://www.wealthandfulfillment.com/p/some-days-i-succeed-some-days-i-begin-again.
If you have a chance, would love your feedback. No pressure. Just want you to know that over the years you made a big impact on me. From a long time admirer.
Great stuff as usual Arthur. Being a father of 7 and grandfather of 13 (all under 10 years old) and counting we can’t all live together hahahaha. But the grandkids enrich my life incredibly. Also, I’ve been running, cycling, and strength training since 2005 as I’m trying to keep the old man out and be happier! Thank you as always. You’re doing God’s work! Jerry
"Catholicism, like Starbucks, has a very uniform product." Laughed out loud! In Albania, we entered a newly re-consecrated Church and our guide was surprised a Sat. vigil Mass was in progress. I whispered, "It'll be over in about 10 minutes." "You understand Albanian?!" "No, but I understand a Catholic Mass." Looking forward to future newsletters.
While the author has said no to dinner out, I wonder about dinner in. My wife and I regularly open our home and table to friends and family and there’s something about breaking bread together and intentional conversation that’s truly and deeply gratifying. We use conversation topic cards at the table we to dive deeper when we share a meal.
Turns out the idea of multigenerational living isn’t for everyone. 3 years ago we suggested this to our daughter as a way to support each other. I must not have sold it very well cause it fell flat! Oh well, we still live close by. Who knows, maybe they’ll change their minds!
One hundred percent on the workouts Arthur! Like you, exercise has proven to be my #1 mental health tonic and it is now something my young adult kids have adopted as well. Look forward to your next blog, you delicate flower!
How on God’s green earth do you live with your adult kids and grandchildren? I assume you have completely separate living space? Do you have dinners together? I love my kids and wish we lived closer, but living in the same space with them is out of the question.
Agree! I think I could only do it if I had a huge house with a closed off wing. It's not that we don't love each other very much, but all that constant shared space would drive me nuts.
Whatever works for you....But I would be the most unhappy person on the planet if I had to get up at 4 a.m. and exercise and then hear a reading that is the same in any church planet-wide. What I would advocate if I were a Free Press columnist: Break up the routine. See things you have never seen before. Get to know a person outside your culture and age group. Make a cross-country visit to see an old friend. Play games, all sorts. Do some strenuous hand-holding. Thank God for every bit of it.
I think of happiness as fleeting (like how we feel when we are eating ice cream) and joy as eternal (it can weather the inevitable storms in life if our spiritual foundation is firm).
In regards to spirituality & just trying and seeing, Jesus said it best in John 1:39.
“Come,” he replied, “and you will see.” So they went and saw where he was staying, and they spent that day with him. It was about four in the afternoon.”
As an unpopular, overweight, miserable, working class 13 year old bookworm, I sat down to have a big think one day and came to a double-headed conclusion. First, I would have to make my own Happiness the top priority in life--but not by pursuing money, status, possessions, popularity, etc. as those things didn't seem to confer happiness on others. And second, since my intelligence hadn't been enough to deliver happiness, I would have to step up my game and figure out how to acquire Wisdom. Whatever the hell that was!
At bottom, Wisdom is really just the ability to consistently make good choices. And the better choice is often the harder choice: it almost always pays off better.
One of my catch-phrases for young friends: "When we choose hard things, they make us. When we choose easy things, they break us."
Drilling down on those two goals--happiness and wisdom--from an early age worked. I'm a very happily married, very healthy 65 year old who makes enough to afford 7 weeks paid vacation each year from 9 hobbies/callings that I ramped up to professional level. I have No Desire to retire.
I encourage young people to find the Actions that make them Happy and then do them over and over again.
And if my obituary only had room for one word about my life, that word would be "rollicking."
Many cultures don't focus on personal happiness. In my Ukrainian culture happiness is derived from meaningful work and meaningful relationships. I wonder if Mr. Brooks can devote some times to happiness from different cultural aspects.
I’m hoping you’ll give serious thought to high 80s and beyond. At this age many are no longer high functioning, but some are. It’s not like the 70s once you’re 90…
Love this and look forward to reading more. Many thanks for this very practical wisdom.
I just tried to leave a comment. I don’t see it. Hope I’m not duplicating it.
I love your discipline approach, particularly a day that starts with exercise and prayer and a communal setting. I have a similar approach. I just wrote about in my Substack blog Wealth&Fulfillment. The title is Some Days I Succeed; Some Days I Begin Again. https://www.wealthandfulfillment.com/p/some-days-i-succeed-some-days-i-begin-again.
If you have a chance, would love your feedback. No pressure. Just want you to know that over the years you made a big impact on me. From a long time admirer.
Great stuff as usual Arthur. Being a father of 7 and grandfather of 13 (all under 10 years old) and counting we can’t all live together hahahaha. But the grandkids enrich my life incredibly. Also, I’ve been running, cycling, and strength training since 2005 as I’m trying to keep the old man out and be happier! Thank you as always. You’re doing God’s work! Jerry
"Catholicism, like Starbucks, has a very uniform product." Laughed out loud! In Albania, we entered a newly re-consecrated Church and our guide was surprised a Sat. vigil Mass was in progress. I whispered, "It'll be over in about 10 minutes." "You understand Albanian?!" "No, but I understand a Catholic Mass." Looking forward to future newsletters.
While the author has said no to dinner out, I wonder about dinner in. My wife and I regularly open our home and table to friends and family and there’s something about breaking bread together and intentional conversation that’s truly and deeply gratifying. We use conversation topic cards at the table we to dive deeper when we share a meal.
I loved this article. Very helpful and picture of grandchild was adorable. Sounds like you've figured it out.
Turns out the idea of multigenerational living isn’t for everyone. 3 years ago we suggested this to our daughter as a way to support each other. I must not have sold it very well cause it fell flat! Oh well, we still live close by. Who knows, maybe they’ll change their minds!
One hundred percent on the workouts Arthur! Like you, exercise has proven to be my #1 mental health tonic and it is now something my young adult kids have adopted as well. Look forward to your next blog, you delicate flower!
How on God’s green earth do you live with your adult kids and grandchildren? I assume you have completely separate living space? Do you have dinners together? I love my kids and wish we lived closer, but living in the same space with them is out of the question.
Agree! I think I could only do it if I had a huge house with a closed off wing. It's not that we don't love each other very much, but all that constant shared space would drive me nuts.
Do anything you can physically to generate endorphins. It's called the happiness drug for a good reason.
Whatever works for you....But I would be the most unhappy person on the planet if I had to get up at 4 a.m. and exercise and then hear a reading that is the same in any church planet-wide. What I would advocate if I were a Free Press columnist: Break up the routine. See things you have never seen before. Get to know a person outside your culture and age group. Make a cross-country visit to see an old friend. Play games, all sorts. Do some strenuous hand-holding. Thank God for every bit of it.
I think of happiness as fleeting (like how we feel when we are eating ice cream) and joy as eternal (it can weather the inevitable storms in life if our spiritual foundation is firm).
In regards to spirituality & just trying and seeing, Jesus said it best in John 1:39.
“Come,” he replied, “and you will see.” So they went and saw where he was staying, and they spent that day with him. It was about four in the afternoon.”
John 1:39 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/jhn.1.39.NIV
Ground breaking stuff, I would never have guessed…
FP, you can do a whole lot better than this.
The oldest lessons are often the best lessons