America Deserves a Star Spangled Banger

Over the last three weeks at the Paris Olympics, “The Star Spangled Banner” was played 40 times, once for every gold we’ve won. Our athletes have scored more medals than any other country, but when it comes to the music that celebrates those champions, we’re a long way from the podium.

I can’t help being jealous of the French, with their defiant hymn, “La Marseillaise.” Best captured in the scene from Casablanca where a group of casino patrons rise to sing it, drowning out the Nazi officers in their midst, the song is a rousing retort to tyranny. “O Canada,” the anthem of our northern neighbor, is majestic and polite, much like the land of maple syrup itself. And even Russia’s national number manages to convey dignity, tragedy, and greatness.

But America? We honor the world’s oldest republic with a song about a tattered flag that’s “still there” after Baltimore was nearly destroyed in the War of 1812. The tune itself is awkward, slow, and ponderous. The verses are halting, borrowing English vernacular that feels ornate in the 21st century. “O say can you see,” for example, should just be “Look!” And the melody, penned by British composer John Stafford Smith, was once the preferred jingle for an 18th-century London gentleman’s club known as the Anacreontic Society, which met once a month to get sloshed and sing. 

In short, America rocks—so why doesn’t “The Star Spangled Banner”? 

Our country is amazing. Our founding charter is an inspiration for everyone who yearns to live in freedom. We invented modern cinema, not to mention hip-hop and the internet economy. We rid the world of both the Nazis and the Soviets, using our military and economic might. And we are a nation that has cultivated extraordinary musical talent. Surely someone can write a better tune than a piece about a military engagement no one remembers? Although I will admit some artists of the past have made “The Star Spangled Banner” sizzle—including Marvin Gaye at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game and Whitney Houston at the 1991 Super Bowl—we deserve better.

And so, I propose a Kamala-Biden-style switcheroo for our national anthem. America should have a “Star Spangled Banger” worthy of our country’s 250th birthday in 2026. Here are my suggestions. 

“The Best” by Tina Turner

Yes, Tina’s tune was written about a lover, so perhaps a few tweaks must be made to the verses. But the chorus really captures American exceptionalism. Just imagine watching our Olympians hoisting the gold medal on the dais while “Simply the best! Better than all the rest!” blares through the stadium. It makes you want to liberate a Kurdish village from the clutches of ISIS. 

“We Are the World” by Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie 

On the one hand, it’s a song that crosses the fine line between butter and brie. (It’s a bit cheesy.) But it’s also an anthem that’s fairly easy to sing. Originally, it was the charity mega-single for USA for Africa, a well-meaning (if naive) effort to feed Ethiopians as they suffered from a famine created by their communist dictator. But the lyrics capture American greatness. Our country has long been a safe haven for the rest of the world. We are a nation of immigrants. We really are the World. And when there is a flood or an earthquake or some other horrible disaster, we are also the ones who make a better day, as the song says, by airlifting aid workers, tents, and ready-to-eat meals to crises across the globe. 

“Philadelphia Freedom” by Elton John and Bernie Taupin

While Sir Elton John is a Brit, this song is unmistakably American. It’s a catchy disco pop song about the city that kicked off the whole experiment in self-rule. And while it was originally written for the Philly women’s tennis team, it was released one year before the bicentennial. Elton knew exactly what he was doing. And unlike “The Star Bangled Banner,” this song actually is about living free.

“You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” / “Takin’ Care of Business” / “Let It Ride” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive 

My most ambitious recommendation: How about a medley of three songs by these Canadian rockers? All three songs capture our country’s better angels. The first is about the promise of America: “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” The second celebrates our entrepreneurial spirit: “If you ever get annoyed, look at me, I’m self employed, I love to work at nothin’ all day.” And the third captures America’s tolerance for risk, our willingness to take big swings. Other nations might be better at planning ahead, sticking to the program. But here, in the land of the free, we let it ride. 

And if none of that works, perhaps we can get Taylor Swift to update the national anthem? Because when the other nations hate, Americans just “Shake It Off.” 

Eli Lake is a music buff and columnist for The Free Press. Follow him on X (formerly Twitter) at @EliLake, and read his piece “The Grammys Don’t Deserve Joni Mitchell.”

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