Our anti human culture pushes atomization, meaningless sex, abortion, solipsism, and slaving away for corporations that will never love you back. Creating and nurturing life is the most meaningful thing you will ever do. It also just might save our civilization.
I wholeheartedly endorse being intentional about Date Night. My wife and I have been together for 22 years and married 19 years and we have gone on a unique date each week since our first date. That's over 1,100 dates!! We have never repeated a date. No weekly go to the movies or eat at our favorite pizza joint. Each date is planned out with intention. It's been one of my favorite parts of being together.
Having lived this (albeit recently, married closed to five years) it makes perfect sense. There were two moments-when I got engaged, and four years later, when my now-wife became pregnant-that I took stock of my career, felt unhappy about my position/progress, and consequently worked a lot harder and smarter and achieved some of the things I’d always wanted. I think that’s precisely because I was married, and consequently hitting some life milestones, which in turn made me more diligent about advancing my professional life, too. If your personal life isn’t advancing-and while marriage is by no means the only way to do so, it’s a big one-it’s easy to just fall into a holding pattern of existence where nothing personal or professional changes.
I can't imagine a life without my husband (now married 21 years). It just boils down to evolutionary biology - we are healthier when we're not alone and have a reliable partner providing stability, love, and support. I may make more money than my husband, but he can fix most things that go wrong with the cars/trucks/house/plumbing, etc. And yes, he opens the pickle jar for me because he's got strong hands and I don't. Unfortunately we were unable to have children, but we've carved out a happy, stable life together and I'm so grateful for that. Marriage is a blessing. Don't listen to the doomers. As Yuri says, be a rebel and get married!
Brad Wilcox had a great piece in the WSJ this weekend where he took on the Soul Mate myth (read it, Tay and Trav). The next story in the section dealt with “luxury beliefs,” those destructive lies the elite force upon the rest of the world to make themselves feel good about themselves, because, after all, they’re all that matter. Talk about intersectionality! Civil society has survived throughout humanity because the vast majority of men and women entered into monogamous relationships and stayed in them. Fidelity to one another was the hub of the wheel. We got all the way to the 29th Century then, blamo, Ivy educated know-nothings started telling the rest of us that all of history since the Dawn of time was wrong; they were right; marriage was bad for a whole host of reasons. Now look where we are. This lie was the ultimate luxury belief that is destined to doom humanity.
Choose your love and love your choice. My wife and I were married at 21 and have been married for almost 40 years. We raised four boys, all married with kids. So refreshing to have someone you love and who loves you through life’s twists and turns, ups and downs. Now as empty nesters it’s like we’re kids again. I can’t imagine life with anyone else. Yeah, I’m all in on marriage.
I fully agree. Even though marriage is extremely hard at times, I can say I am “happier” than I was 12 years ago before I was married. I think there is something profoundly satisfying about a committed covenantal union where 2 individuals will stick with each other through all sorts of adversity. Most people nowadays have forgotten what true sacrificial love looks like, but it is giving of yourself to another. Selfishness is the opposite of love.
I have two single conservative daughters who would love to find a man. They report in that men their ages have major porn addictions, phone addictions, ex-lover issues. In short, it seems the men their age are bringing the baggage these days. Both are optimistic but it isn't easy.
I think that most people do still want to find love, get married, have kids (from what I've read, many members of Gen Z that will be single and/or childless according to Wilcox will be that way against their stated wishes). But I think the requirement for self-sacrifice that is a part of any deep relationship is, shall we say, not really valorized or glamorized in today's popular culture. Which really leads to a lot of unhappiness, because what most of us want is to love and be loved, to need and be needed, to help and be helped. And you don't get that when individualistic goals are given top priority.
I'm sure it's hard. I was lucky to be set up by a friend, as Suzy suggests in today's newsletter, and enter into a relationship that is nearing the 15 year mark. I hope those dating today keep trying and find someone who wants to give as much as they do.
I’ve been married almost 32 years and it has been amazing. I knew within about 48 hours that if you married the wrong person it would be awful. (My older sister said that when she was walking down the aisle, she knew she was making a mistake. She was scared to call off, so I have all the respect in the world for people who do that.)
If you have the right person, someone who loves and respects you, and cares about the things that you care about, it’s the best thing ever. We don’t always agree about everything, and never have, certainly not movies! But the things we disagree about have become virtually meaningless over time.
One statistic that I think is misinterpreted is that 40% of marriages end in divorce. That does not mean that 40% of all married people have been divorced. If you know somebody who’s been married and divorced three times, there’s your statistic.
Having said that, if you are selfish, spare someone the horror of being your spouse. Having a good marriage means putting the other person first, at least occasionally. Plan on 50% and maybe you’ll get lucky. When you have kids, that goes to probably 80%, if you’re lucky. If your kids get sick, it will probably be 100% for both of you. You will survive and hopefully emerge with an even stronger relationship. Don’t forget the date nights!
In X years you'll be dead. You haven't lived a life unless and until you give your heart to someone. That's part of being fully human. If you can't do that you're small.
Can the sequel to this book be "How to Get Married"? I always thought I'd meet my partner in college, but over a decade after graduating, I'm still single. And I've literally done the things mentioned at the end of this piece (and tried many other strategies): I've gotten actively engaged in my local church, I volunteer at the food bank, and, as an introvert, this is painful, but I attend the office parties. I trust that good research was done for this book to document the attitudes of twenty-somethings, especially women, who want to put career over marriage, and I don't doubt that many do. I am also an ambitious woman who has put in many years of education and work, and my career is important. But I've always wanted a husband and a family and have never considered my career more important. And, anecdotally, the majority of my female friends, many of whom are still single, want that, too. Very, very much. So while I agree with the argument of the book, and think it's an important one, it stings a little to hear this when I, and many people I know, want this but haven't been able to achieve it yet. We don't need to be convinced. It's hard to date, and even harder to meet potential partners who also want lives and families and futures together. Much digital ink has been spilled on how dating apps, dating culture, and demographic differences have ruined things for those who do want to get married, but solutions to this ever-growing problem remain evermore elusive.
Be a rebel. Get married. Start a family.
Our anti human culture pushes atomization, meaningless sex, abortion, solipsism, and slaving away for corporations that will never love you back. Creating and nurturing life is the most meaningful thing you will ever do. It also just might save our civilization.
I wholeheartedly endorse being intentional about Date Night. My wife and I have been together for 22 years and married 19 years and we have gone on a unique date each week since our first date. That's over 1,100 dates!! We have never repeated a date. No weekly go to the movies or eat at our favorite pizza joint. Each date is planned out with intention. It's been one of my favorite parts of being together.
Having lived this (albeit recently, married closed to five years) it makes perfect sense. There were two moments-when I got engaged, and four years later, when my now-wife became pregnant-that I took stock of my career, felt unhappy about my position/progress, and consequently worked a lot harder and smarter and achieved some of the things I’d always wanted. I think that’s precisely because I was married, and consequently hitting some life milestones, which in turn made me more diligent about advancing my professional life, too. If your personal life isn’t advancing-and while marriage is by no means the only way to do so, it’s a big one-it’s easy to just fall into a holding pattern of existence where nothing personal or professional changes.
I can't imagine a life without my husband (now married 21 years). It just boils down to evolutionary biology - we are healthier when we're not alone and have a reliable partner providing stability, love, and support. I may make more money than my husband, but he can fix most things that go wrong with the cars/trucks/house/plumbing, etc. And yes, he opens the pickle jar for me because he's got strong hands and I don't. Unfortunately we were unable to have children, but we've carved out a happy, stable life together and I'm so grateful for that. Marriage is a blessing. Don't listen to the doomers. As Yuri says, be a rebel and get married!
I’m sold. I sent this article to my fiancé. I can’t wait to marry him in a few months! :)
Brad Wilcox had a great piece in the WSJ this weekend where he took on the Soul Mate myth (read it, Tay and Trav). The next story in the section dealt with “luxury beliefs,” those destructive lies the elite force upon the rest of the world to make themselves feel good about themselves, because, after all, they’re all that matter. Talk about intersectionality! Civil society has survived throughout humanity because the vast majority of men and women entered into monogamous relationships and stayed in them. Fidelity to one another was the hub of the wheel. We got all the way to the 29th Century then, blamo, Ivy educated know-nothings started telling the rest of us that all of history since the Dawn of time was wrong; they were right; marriage was bad for a whole host of reasons. Now look where we are. This lie was the ultimate luxury belief that is destined to doom humanity.
Choose your love and love your choice. My wife and I were married at 21 and have been married for almost 40 years. We raised four boys, all married with kids. So refreshing to have someone you love and who loves you through life’s twists and turns, ups and downs. Now as empty nesters it’s like we’re kids again. I can’t imagine life with anyone else. Yeah, I’m all in on marriage.
I fully agree. Even though marriage is extremely hard at times, I can say I am “happier” than I was 12 years ago before I was married. I think there is something profoundly satisfying about a committed covenantal union where 2 individuals will stick with each other through all sorts of adversity. Most people nowadays have forgotten what true sacrificial love looks like, but it is giving of yourself to another. Selfishness is the opposite of love.
Getting married helped, but I have to confess that I didn’t really become an adult until we had children.
I have two single conservative daughters who would love to find a man. They report in that men their ages have major porn addictions, phone addictions, ex-lover issues. In short, it seems the men their age are bringing the baggage these days. Both are optimistic but it isn't easy.
I think that most people do still want to find love, get married, have kids (from what I've read, many members of Gen Z that will be single and/or childless according to Wilcox will be that way against their stated wishes). But I think the requirement for self-sacrifice that is a part of any deep relationship is, shall we say, not really valorized or glamorized in today's popular culture. Which really leads to a lot of unhappiness, because what most of us want is to love and be loved, to need and be needed, to help and be helped. And you don't get that when individualistic goals are given top priority.
I'm sure it's hard. I was lucky to be set up by a friend, as Suzy suggests in today's newsletter, and enter into a relationship that is nearing the 15 year mark. I hope those dating today keep trying and find someone who wants to give as much as they do.
I’ve been married almost 32 years and it has been amazing. I knew within about 48 hours that if you married the wrong person it would be awful. (My older sister said that when she was walking down the aisle, she knew she was making a mistake. She was scared to call off, so I have all the respect in the world for people who do that.)
If you have the right person, someone who loves and respects you, and cares about the things that you care about, it’s the best thing ever. We don’t always agree about everything, and never have, certainly not movies! But the things we disagree about have become virtually meaningless over time.
One statistic that I think is misinterpreted is that 40% of marriages end in divorce. That does not mean that 40% of all married people have been divorced. If you know somebody who’s been married and divorced three times, there’s your statistic.
Having said that, if you are selfish, spare someone the horror of being your spouse. Having a good marriage means putting the other person first, at least occasionally. Plan on 50% and maybe you’ll get lucky. When you have kids, that goes to probably 80%, if you’re lucky. If your kids get sick, it will probably be 100% for both of you. You will survive and hopefully emerge with an even stronger relationship. Don’t forget the date nights!
You'll not trick me, Wilcox. I demand a dowry
In X years you'll be dead. You haven't lived a life unless and until you give your heart to someone. That's part of being fully human. If you can't do that you're small.
Can the sequel to this book be "How to Get Married"? I always thought I'd meet my partner in college, but over a decade after graduating, I'm still single. And I've literally done the things mentioned at the end of this piece (and tried many other strategies): I've gotten actively engaged in my local church, I volunteer at the food bank, and, as an introvert, this is painful, but I attend the office parties. I trust that good research was done for this book to document the attitudes of twenty-somethings, especially women, who want to put career over marriage, and I don't doubt that many do. I am also an ambitious woman who has put in many years of education and work, and my career is important. But I've always wanted a husband and a family and have never considered my career more important. And, anecdotally, the majority of my female friends, many of whom are still single, want that, too. Very, very much. So while I agree with the argument of the book, and think it's an important one, it stings a little to hear this when I, and many people I know, want this but haven't been able to achieve it yet. We don't need to be convinced. It's hard to date, and even harder to meet potential partners who also want lives and families and futures together. Much digital ink has been spilled on how dating apps, dating culture, and demographic differences have ruined things for those who do want to get married, but solutions to this ever-growing problem remain evermore elusive.
I got married last year a few weeks before my 30th birthday. Without a doubt the best choice I've ever made.