FOR FREE PEOPLE

Watch The Free Press Live!

FOR FREE PEOPLE

Why Everyone Wants the Same Things

This one idea explains bubbles in the stock market, cancel culture and why everyone binged 'Tiger King' at the same time.

I recently read an email from an NPR employee in which the signature was the most intriguing part. After his name and pronouns (he/him) was the question: “Why are there pronouns in my signature?” I clicked the link

It led me to a six-page Google document called the NPR Pronoun Guide. “We act to create an inclusive environment in which individuals of all identities feel valued,” it stated. This was followed by a lengthy glossary of terms. I read it all, but the fundamental question in his signature was left unanswered: Why are there pronouns there? 

Only a few years ago, it would have seemed bizarre to have your pronouns in your emails. I’ve asked people who include their pronouns in emails (and elsewhere) why they do so. They offer versions of the same answer: That it’s a long overdue recognition of the complexities of gender, or that they are making a small gesture that improves the world. 

I believe this new phenomenon is an illustration of a deeper, hidden social force. That is the relentless, often unconscious, need for humans to reassure themselves they are in sync with their group. Displaying pronouns signals: I am part of the tribe and I know the rules.

We live in destabilizing times. The sociologist Zygmunt Bauman called it “liquid modernity”—the unnerving feeling of “fragility, temporariness, vulnerability and inclination to constant change.” We are unsure of what is desirable or undesirable, acceptable or not acceptable, respectful or bigoted. Increasingly, if we don’t understand these liquid rules—you may have noticed that the etiquette is constantly changing—we might find ourselves singled out and scapegoated, which is humanity’s time-tested mechanism to achieve social cohesion through exclusion. 

Being cast out is one of humanity’s most devastating punishments. Even those of us who live in relative security fear the possibility of this happening. So I’d like to explain an idea that I hope will help you make more sense of what’s happening in our world—the specific mechanism that is the cause of much of our social dysfunction.

Maintaining The Free
Press is Expensive!

To support independent journalism, and unlock all of our investigative stories and provocative commentary about the world as it actually is, subscribe below.

Subscriber Benefits:

  • Unlimited articles including weekly columns
  • Early access to live events
  • Access to the comments section

Already have an account? Sign in

our Comments

Use common sense here: disagree, debate, but don't be a .

the fp logo
comment bg

Welcome to The FP Community!

Our comments are an editorial product for our readers to have smart, thoughtful conversations and debates — the sort we need more of in America today. The sort of debate we love.   

We have standards in our comments section just as we do in our journalism. If you’re being a jerk, we might delete that one. And if you’re being a jerk for a long time, we might remove you from the comments section. 

Common Sense was our original name, so please use some when posting. Here are some guidelines:

  • We have a simple rule for all Free Press staff: act online the way you act in real life. We think that’s a good rule for everyone.
  • We drop an occasional F-bomb ourselves, but try to keep your profanities in check. We’re proud to have Free Press readers of every age, and we want to model good behavior for them. (Hello to Intern Julia!)
  • Speaking of obscenities, don’t hurl them at each other. Harassment, threats, and derogatory comments that derail productive conversation are a hard no.
  • Criticizing and wrestling with what you read here is great. Our rule of thumb is that smart people debate ideas, dumb people debate identity. So keep it classy. 
  • Don’t spam, solicit, or advertise here. Submit your recommendations to tips@thefp.com if you really think our audience needs to hear about it.
Close Guidelines

Latest