Nellie here. My head would be hanging in shame if such a feeling were possible for me. Thankfully, it is not, but I am taking a vacation week and abandoning you all.
So in lieu of TGIF, while I am snuggled by the fire, watching my family members and trying to figure out which mental illnesses are genetic and which are earned, I did need to find someone to replace me. I really had to scrape the bottom of the barrel.
Meet: David Mamet and David Sedaris.
Mamet, who did the cartoon just above, is of course one of the best American writers alive today. He won a Pulitzer Prize for writing the plays Glengarry Glen Ross and Speed-the-Plow. He’s written and directed hit movies—I’m thinking of The Verdict, Wag the Dog, Heist. Most importantly, he and his spectacular wife, the actor and musician Rebecca Pidgeon, have hosted us at their beautiful home, which is all you need to do to get a job around here.
Here’s how he describes himself: “recognized in early childhood as an artistic prodigy, a change in family circumstances forced Mamet to abandon painting and seek a living in literature. Now, in retirement he turns to his first love.”
You’ll be seeing his cartoons frequently in these pages, and we are so lucky for it.
Then there’s David Sedaris, and the fact that I get to introduce him is unbelievable to me. He is a humorist and author of many best-selling books: Calypso, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Naked, Holidays On Ice, Barrel Fever. And now he has a new one, Happy-Go-Lucky, which is why he carved out a few hours to sit down with Bari.
Strap in for a conversation about why his family is better than yours; why he recently walked 42 miles; why, in a pinch, he’ll choose England over France; why he detests dogs in sunglasses and so much more.
Listen here for a great chat with the funniest man alive:
I hope everyone is slowing down as the year ends. Merry Christmas to my Jewish family. Happy Hannukah to my Christian one. There will be a banger TGIF next Friday. A banger TGIF for a wimper of a year. More on that.
For now, here’s one last cartoon from Mamet:
And here, I thought the US really didn't take the 23rd off.
This is my 23.12.22 This is Northumberland Calling offering (no guarantee for next week as it is the week between).
The Scottish parliament voted for self id after someone declares that they have lived as the opposite sex for 3 months. They voted down an amendment which would have paused the declaration if someone had been accused of sex crime (50% of trans prisoners declared after they are arrested apparently). One of the MSPs asked – if a fox says they are chicken, do you put them in the hen house? The UK government are looking at Section 35 in order to block the legislation as it will affect the entire United Kingdom. It is thought that Nicola Sturgeon has cynically used this in order to further her case for independence as no one really cares that much about women’s rights and it is only a tiny number of people who will actually transition. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2022/12/22/scotland-passes-gender-reform-bill-snp-nicola-sturgeon/
A multiple child murderer was left free to kill after blunders by the probation service as he was wrongly classified as being a medium risk rather than a high risk as he should have been after the man was convicted of arson. The probation officer who mainly worked from home has now been sacked for gross incompetence in preparing the pre-sentence report. Another probation officer who assigned the case to a trainee has also been sacked. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/12/22/murderer-damien-bendall-left-free-kill-probation-blunders
Several Oxbridge professors are trying to spearhead a movement which says that anyone who attends a uni should be aware that they are at risk of being offended and having their ideas challenged. If they don’t want to take the risk, they can withdraw from the university in question. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11563945/Universities-risk-woke-academics-students-consent-risk-offendes.html
And the Campaign for Real Ale has declared the words ‘pub crawl’ and ‘happy hour’ are not inclusive and should not be used. Various members were not impressed including one who remarked that he had never considered that a pub crawl meant getting so drunk that you could not literally progress to the next one. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/12/22/dont-say-pub-crawl-happy-hour-christmas-not-inclusive/
The Church of England decided to rewrite the words of God Rest Merry Gentlemen for a service. They were rather woke and erased the concept of Christmas. Updated lyrics removed references to Christ as saviour and to Satan, instead referring to “queer and questioning” and “women, who by men have been erased”. Somehow I think the original will stand the test of time. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/12/20/christmas-carol-rewritten-inclusive-pushes-woke-unbiblical-agenda/
The last person able to be buried in the village church of the village which was deserted during WW2 has been buried. The village is on military land and used for exercises. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/12/21/ghost-village-deserted-since-world-war-ii-host-funeral-one-last/
The Glaswegian who has the best claim to inventing ‘chicken tikka masala’ Ali Ahmed Aslam, has died. He ran one of the first Indian restaurants in Glasgow and created the dish in the early 1970s by adding tomato soup (presumably Heinz) and cream to chicken tikka pan to create a quick sauce as a customer claimed his chicken tikka was too dry. The man brought his friends by and they all requested the dish. . It has since become one of the more popular ‘curries’. Although born in what would become Pakistan, he emigrated to Scotland as a boy and proudly Glaswegian and very very Scottish. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/obituaries/2022/12/22/ahmed-aslam-ali-inventor-chicken-tikka-masala-britains-favourite/
A Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.
OMG is TGIF okay? Will it be back next week? Did TGIF get a booster shot? Is that why it’s gone? Is TGIF experiencing auditory processing issues? Did TGIF accidentally come into contact with trace amounts of fentanyl at the playground? Did TGIF start an NGO in Ukraine so now it doesn’t have to work anymore? Did TGIF get pushed onto the subway tracks by a released prisoner? Did TGIF do business with the Clintons at any point in the last 50 years?
OMG I know what happened. TGIF posted something true about Joe Biden on the internet. That’s why it’s gone.
RIP TGIF 🙏🙏🙏😭😭