Advice to men—women like men who are capable, so figure out how to use power tools and fix stuff. Nothing says “good man, marry him” more than a guy wearing a tool belt and fixing your plumbing.
Advice to women—men like to eat good, home cooked meals. So learn how to cook, and don’t whine about how he needs to clean up. He just fixed your toilet, OK.
95% of being married is knowing you are on the same team.
My knee jerk reaction to your post after consuming years of girl boss propaganda was “well that’s antiquated.” Then I remembered my husband took apart our dryer this week and saved us $500+ by diagnosing the problem and ordering a $50 part. I rewarded him with his favorite dinner. So traditional gender roles clearly rule in our house.
In my hiring, the best employees were always -- Always -- from rural areas. The took responsibility and got the job done. City people .... always looking for a grift.
My husband and I bonded on our first date during a conversation over whether an Edelbrock or a Holley carburetor was more reliable on classic cars. Our friends who introduced us just sat there watching the conversation go back and forth like it was some sort of weird tennis match.
It is rumored a wise man once said, "You can fix everything with WD40 and Duct Tape. If it moves, but shouldn’t move, use duct tape. If it doesn’t move, but should move, use WD-40." Obviously, there is more to fixing things than that. However, believing that you can and being willing to try is half the battle in fixing things, regardless of gender.
Although my wife and I went to high school together, it was fixing her car stereo that convinced her I was the best choice. After 37 years and five sons, we’re still in love and I’m still fixing stuff.
Advice to either gender, learn to do useful things well. My husband cooks, I do laundry and finances. You don’t have to go down the gender stereotypical path to end up in a great marriage, just bring things to the table that will be meaningfully contribute to your partnership. It’s 2024, men can cook, women can take things apart or vice versa.
Mostly agree. My current (2nd) husband fixes things for a living. It’s very sexy imo to see a man work with his hands, not so much tapping away on a laptop. One thing I’d add for the ladies, in addition to cooking, is sex. Most men need that physical connection to their partner; it makes them feel loved.
I am capable, use power tools and fix stuff. My wonderful guy is all thumbs, but he does the dishes and the laundry on his own volition. Neither is a very good cook, so, in that regard, we live on love.
It doesn’t really matter who does what - as long as you cover the bases.
Happily, joyfully, thankfully married 46 years this June.
"It doesn’t really matter who does what - as long as you cover the bases.
Happily, joyfully, thankfully married 46 years this June."
Completely agree. 46 years this month. We do not fit the 'boomer norms' at all. I wonder how many lonely boomers will email TFP looking for love - and have it work.
Having been married for almost 37 years now, I would say that 100% of being married is knowing you are on the same team. *Every* difficulty in our relationship over the years has arisen from feeling like we are not on the same team.
I can rarely fix anything. My one method is to take it apart and put it back together, and sometimes that works. After living alone most of my life, I can cook, clean, do the laundry and the shopping. I don't need a woman for that. All I need is a woman who loves me for who and what I am. So far it's been working for 10 yrs.
My husband took apart my exhaust system on my Jetta, climbed on the roof and cleaned out our chimney, tiled my kitchen and painted the cupboards, cheers for my team (Go Hawkeyes), and milks our cows every day. In addition to his full time job. There is no way in gods green earth I’m going to ask him to do his own laundry. We have traditional sex roles and I’m the luckiest woman in rural Minnesota.
It's amazing how feminists vehemently feel the need to disparage traditional sex roles when there are so many happy couples loving it. They're actually angry to hear people say that it works!
Good advice. I would just add to have a very short-term memory. People who hold grudges against their significant other are not going to have successful relationships.
My wife will be the first to tell you that nothing makes her cringe more than a man that is incompetent and un assertive. She’ll also tell you that 90% of mentally stable women feel the same. They want a partner that can get shit done when things go in the ditch. Beta males are all but worthless whipping posts.
Dude yes. That how I got my husband. After moving to Seattle, I dated a whole series of men and all of them turned me off and I couldn’t quite figure out why… there was something missing? And then I met my husband at work, and I realized… that if the apocalypse ever came, this was the dude I wanted to be with. Assertive, capable, will do absolute shit work to survive…. Just instantly became the sexiest man I’ve ever known. We have three kids now :-)
I was engaged to a man who could cook, but fell in love with another man who also could cook AND handle power tools as well as crafts. I broke off the engagement and ended up marrying the other man. My advice is to marry a man who can cook, and does not mind taking half or more of the labor in the household. I would not marry a man who expect me to cook him meals just because it is expected of my sex. I was lucky that since I hate cooking, I ended up marrying a man who enjoyed cooking. The point is, women who enjoy cooking, let them. If men enjoy cooking, let them. Don't ever tie expectations to gender stereotypes.
On the other side of the man-who-can-cook idea ... my daughter married superb cook and, while he was cooking away, she got bored and played around with another guy.
After a cult-arranged marriage, and a few years later, trolling bars and other gathering spots, I finally found the love of my life at...CHURCH! No sex before marriage, (that one was difficult), and finding common backgrounds and interests was the key for me. Sure, that person MIGHT have existed outside of church, but being involved with an organization that shared my basic interests really helped.
The rush that accompanies random hook-ups had nothing to do with it, but a leisurely "getting to know you" relationship surely made the difference. No, we did not live together first to test our compatibility, but in all of the important areas we discovered how we meshed. Not necessarily politically (I hate Trump but vote conservative, she LOVES Trump so we both laugh and get on with life), but in most matters compromise and agreement resulted in a marriage of 44 years to life.
Would I have preferred a slim, large breasted, and sexually aggressive mate? SURE, what man WOULDN'T! But who I found was a loving, generous, and compassionate person who was willing to laugh at out small differences and thank God for our shared life.
My wife was still learning English the first Valentines Day we were married. Back in the military and getting ready to move. Bought her a card, candy, and flowers. She asked what I had done wrong and was I in trouble?
I explained the concept of the so called holiday. She asked why you need a day to say I love you? She just didn't understand, as I told her everyday I loved her and we did things for each other. Never did Valentines for each other again, the last 49 years. But she was all in for her kids though.
Love is made up of doing the little things everyday and just showing compassion and support. The simple things like getting water, what would you like to do or what's your thoughts? All of the times she didn't want to go watch me play ball or I didn't want to go shopping. Yet, you love the person, so you just do it as it reflective of your commitment. The times she has towed me in one of my old cars that broke down or I have driven her and friends to specialized grocery stores when I didn't want too. No amount of candy or other useless things replaces just truly caring for each other every day.
You just saved me writing a lot about the same suggestion! I lost my first wife to cancer after 42 years of marriage and am now in my 3rd year with my 2nd wife. Both were/are strong Christian women, big hearted, tender, loving, fantastic mothers, friends, lovers. I hope the same for everyone.
Although if I was his wife my feelings would definitely be hurt if my husband said he would "have preferred a slim, large breasted, sexually aggressive mate"...
Most women would love a great looking guy as well, but not at the expense of having compatibility with someone whose character is respectable. I wonder if what he meant instead was in addition to the qualities he's so thrilled to have in his wife.
My husband, in our youth, was a geeky looking guy. Not at all my aesthetic ideal. But that wasn't high on my list of necessities. There's something to be said for having a husband you don't worry about shallow women chasing after.
And as happens so often, he has matured into a very handsome man. Best of both worlds.
Personally, I would delete that. I suspect that unless he himself is perfect in EVERY way, she has her own list of desirable traits she is too discreet to share, regarding both behavioral and physical characteristics..
Women keep lists. I think we all know this. They may not share them, but they are making checkmarks much of the time, and since most men are failing much of the time, the women are indulging most of the time, at least in relationships that work over time.
I tried the dating scene in the 70's, and found sex, and the occasional declarations of love, but when push came to shove (not LITERALLY, of course), the ability and willingness to compromise and accommodate each other was what won the battle.
The big two qualities: a sense of humor and a sense of perspective. Being the person who is willing to die on every tiny hill of disagreement is a guaranteed ticket to unhappiness. Let it go.
I've been living in Asia for the last five years and I can promise you there are lots of attractive women with a much more traditional mindset here. I personally am rather holding out hope for an American girl bc I'd like to be involved with someone from my own culture and upbringing. But Asia is always on the back of my mind too.
It's not like a supermarket where you can pick and choose from among a bevy of attractive choices. We all have blind spots and weaknesses that we are not aware of. Sometimes we may think that we have a certain list of traits that are a "must" in a mate, but then we are surprised by someone out of the blue who melds with us and leads to a mutually happy pairing. The "requirements" that end up falling away are often the most unimportant things on our "lists".
“For a little Free Press twist on the usual lonely heart ad, we also want you to tell us about a recent time you changed your mind—and why”
———————————————————-
After claiming the border was secure for 3 years, Democrats blamed the 10 million new Criminal Aliens (D) on Republicans because Republicans had not passed a Perpetual Amnesty Machine™️ bill, the text of which had not yet been released.
This is when I changed my mind and decided Democrats are even worse sacks of shit than I had previously thought.
I regularly change my mind on how much worse Democrats are than I thought.
And that after the democrats completely controlled the govt for 2 years under Biden. I guess Biden was too busy trying to figure out how to give away more money to voters, er to student loan holders since they need a better life that they so richly deserve vs those undeserving, uneducated neanderthals who just have car payments and rent to worry about.
I'd like to add one thing here. The confusion of VALUES with OPINIONS. Too often (and I see it on the right too but much, much more on the left) people feel that they have different values than the other side.
Sigh.. no. No you don't you idiots. You can VALUE the same things in life - humanity, integrity, honesty, compassion and have different POLITICAL OPINIONS.
Your opinions are NOT your identity, you are not a good person simply because you posted the black square in 2020. You're a good person because of the choices you make in real life. Every day. (IMO anyway).
I feel like an entire generation needs to hear this. PEOPLE need to hear this..
I apologize if I sound cranky. I am. But for once, I am glad to be in my 40's. I wouldn't want to grow up in the mess that is today....
When opinions are supported by a strong streak of self righteousness it kills any kind of relationship whether friendship or marriage. A consistant inability to "agree to disagree" is expressing a value of a need to always be superior, to dominate, and never compromise.
I hate to generalize but it has been my experience that the more of an "activist" a person is, the worse their mental health is.
It makes sense. Rather than work on healing internally, it's easier to blame the "system" (the cis-hetero-normative patriarchy for example) and say it's THEiR fault.
Cue the self-righteousness and insufferable personality lol
Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more true that young people DO feel their opinions are their identity. And that anyone who does not share those opinions is deeply evil.
Perhaps the silver lining is that these Leftist women, desperately searching for Leftist emasculated men, will likely end up single and will not reproduce to spread their insanity. Maybe this ideology will fade out naturally.
You are assuming they will go quietly into their goodnight. Instead they are your teachers, and will spread their unhappiness to all of the kids from the decent couples. And the young men who are left alone and unfulfilled will find solace in other places...some of which are going to be painful for society.
Sadly, something this big against a fundamental part of being human is going to have consequences...some of which we probably can't yet imagine.
Many will. yes. Or try to adopt one. Those poor kids are going to be so messed up...I wonder what the % of them that remain the same gender their whole lives will be.
I couldn't help thinking, as I was reading this article, that it might not be a bad thing for all the Woke to fail to reproduce. But as Sghoul points out, they have other ways of spreading their insanity to the children of those who do reproduce. And ultimately the falling birth rates will bite us, as a Western nation, in the butt.
There are a zillion - no joke! - surveys, studies, books, articles, podcasts, etc., showing why, GENERALLY SPEAKING, married people are happier, less anxious, more financially secure, more patriotic (in a good way), less likely to need therapy or commit suicide, more likely to attend church or synagogue, more productive at work, more likely to donate to charity and volunteer, less prone to addictions. In other words, married people tend to have better lives, as that description is traditionally evidenced. This is a broad generalization, of course. Your mileage may vary.
I wonder...are we assuming causation? Could it be that happy people are more likely to be married? Seems like a possibility to me. If you are already fairly happy and you find someone else that is too, together you are both more likely to be happy. If you are miserable, you are more likely to either drive off happy mates or hook up with someone else that is unhappy, which likely leads to a shorter term relationship.
That’s what I was thinking. Could it be that the traits one needs for a successful marriage are also the traits one needs for a successful life? And if so, it might be a chicken-and-egg question.
You phrased it much better...the traits one needs for a successful life. I think that gets to the core of it. Many people, sometimes due to decades of being told the wrong things, have not built the right tools for life, or at least not enough of them.
"Even worse: he’s a straight “non-MAGA Republican” looking for love in the year 2024."
I also thought the guy was being as closed minded as the rest. Who shuts out a potential mate over which candidate he/she votes for? I guess many do now - or at least the noisy ones do.
Most (thinking) people change some of their political opinions as they go through life. And, don't husbands and wives go to the polls and pull their own levers?
I know I voted for Obama the first time and deeply regretted it. My husband did not.
Going back, my parents were not on the same page politically when they married. They had lots of interesting dinner table discussions when I was growing up.
It is most important to be on the same page about things related to family - like do you both want to have children or not and what kind of life do you want to lead together?
In this day and age you also might have to ask "Do you believe in Gender Theology and would you be for or against unnecessary drugs and cosmetic surgeries for our child?"
‘Gender Theology: A regressive cult popularized in the 2010s and 2020s, which posited the body as an incidental meathousing for sacred inner ‘gender souls’. It practiced child sacrifice in the form of sterilization of gay and autistic children, where substantial body modification was performed to bring the child’s physicality into congruence with the ‘gender soul’. This became a powerful and influential religion - adherence was institutionally mandated and signaled by the ritualistic performance of believers stating ‘pronouns’ upon introduction. Non-believers were shunned and often ejected from main-stream society.‘
Interesting topic, and timely, of course. I cannot relate to Gen Z's since I am 74. BUT I became a widower 6 years ago and wanted female company. One of my friends said try OurTime.com so I did. I think it is geared toward older folks. I ended up with about a dozen dates - most were once and done, but a couple were repeats that I truly liked. When you are selecting someone who sounds like a possibility, it is infinitely better to see a profile, no matter how flawed the information might be, than to try to pick up a stranger. Ultimately, I found someone with whom I have a 4-year relationship - no, we have not married - we are both thoroughly established in our own lives, but we get together weekly, we travel together, and in short, found love on terms that suit us both. Our experience with computer dating, while not without blemishes (she met a couple on-line predators), can only be termed positive. Yes, you need to be careful, but it is a good way to break the ice and meet potential partners. Don't be afraid to use this meet-up tool, but do it wisely.
I can’t wait to share this with my 87-year-old friend in the nursing home. After decades of mocking the traditional pattern, the in-crowd is beginning to see what she has grown weary of pointing out. Daily she prays for the young people who take care of her. They are a jumble of dysfunction; single moms raging for child-support from the irresponsible men they gave their bodies to. Maybe one-in-ten is married.
Men of any age, a not-so-crazy suggestion: get a stylist. You can do it online, and the big department stores often offer the service as well, sometimes for free. I am a pretty ordinary dude, and my stylist remade me after my divorce, starting with my haircut and eyeglasses, and on to some contemporary clothes that fit me well. I went from wrinkled schlump to exciting mid-life catch. Definitely worth the time and effort.
I would heart this 8,000 times if I could. Men, you never need to be the least attractive guy in the room. But it's like you're all in a competition...
You just reproduced the original pitch for the TV show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. And the strategy actually works! It’s not about being “fake” or trying to be someone other than who you really are…it’s just presenting a version of yourself that will appeal to potential mates (kinda like staging a house for sale).
Though this may seem frivolous, it is a significant issue as it reflects the health of our modern society. Historically, the family unit has been where values are formed at the kitchen table through parenting. In my experience of observing relationships at their core, it's about us rather than me.
The second is a strong set of values that holds people together. I have met a few Indians who were happily married after being part of an arranged marriage, it's a mindset; they make it work. In Arizona, I see strong marriages in the Morman church and the big box Christian churches. At the core is a devotion to lifestyles, faith, and traditional gender roles. Many are seen as happy and fulfilled, proving the articles point about marriage.
But for those whose church is wokism, their pastor idiot college professors, and faith in the leftist creed, it's a life of self-absorption and whatever happiness that brings. Ultimately, we are all individuals who can make our own path. Some crave a life partner, others do not. Ultimately, it's all about self-discovery, finding what fills your cup, and being a good citizen.
And if you crave a relationship, the best advice is to be ready. That partner will appear; when it does, you will be prepared to seize it. This will happen on either Ben or Suzi's path, so put the work in, and good things will happen..
Absolutely. When my husband and I took premarital counseling from church, we had to complete a long questionnaire on our attitudes and reactions to situations that are stressors in a marriage—-child upbringing philosophy, money, relationships with family members. For example—what would you do if a sibling of your husband fell on hard times and asked to move in with you? We totally agreed on that one. Help for a limited time, but the marriage comes first.
A marriage has to be viewed as a thing that needs constant devotion and care. It’s more important than either of you.
The thing about the woke is they don’t practice what they preach. They claim marriage is unimportant and two parent households no better than single parent ones, yet when polled most of them say they want marriage for themselves (TFP just published a piece on this yesterday I think).
Well some of the articles I see are that the woke women/men whatever the proper pronoun is, say that all of the good guys seem to be Conservative, which is a no go. Which probably means, no guy likes my attitude of superior wisdom and knowledge. There is a reason my niece and her mother have been unmarried (they want to be) for 25 and 55 years. No guy could tolerate the woke self sanctification they have. Plus their own family avoids them when possible. I would assume the same applies for a woman looking for a partner who sees a woke guy willing to be stepped on and pushed around. Ah, no thanks and moving on. There is for sure a reason why married women and men are always attractive to singles.
I knew I would marry my wife by our 2nd or 3rd date. She was beautiful, smart, loving and reacted favorably to weekly gifts I showered on her. I was making a robust $219/week; the gifts were not too extravagant. It must have been the Chanel logo. I do all the cooking and fixing. She lets me know how wonderful I am. She’s in daily contact with our two children whom adore her to no end.
Become a door to door sales rep. I did this for about a year and was miserable at it, but I did snag a husband! (No, he did not buy my product. Alas.) 10 years later, happily married with two kids 🥰.
Advice to men—women like men who are capable, so figure out how to use power tools and fix stuff. Nothing says “good man, marry him” more than a guy wearing a tool belt and fixing your plumbing.
Advice to women—men like to eat good, home cooked meals. So learn how to cook, and don’t whine about how he needs to clean up. He just fixed your toilet, OK.
95% of being married is knowing you are on the same team.
My knee jerk reaction to your post after consuming years of girl boss propaganda was “well that’s antiquated.” Then I remembered my husband took apart our dryer this week and saved us $500+ by diagnosing the problem and ordering a $50 part. I rewarded him with his favorite dinner. So traditional gender roles clearly rule in our house.
Growing up on a small farm, I was taught that if you can do the job, you just do it. There were no girl/boy chores, just shit that had to be done.
In my hiring, the best employees were always -- Always -- from rural areas. The took responsibility and got the job done. City people .... always looking for a grift.
My husband and I bonded on our first date during a conversation over whether an Edelbrock or a Holley carburetor was more reliable on classic cars. Our friends who introduced us just sat there watching the conversation go back and forth like it was some sort of weird tennis match.
When you know, you know.
Me too with lots of sibs. Girls and boys worked every day. Different chores usually but most were interchangeable…
Oh yeah, my husband did the same. $25 part from Amazon and a youtube video with instructions.
Your husbands are getting rewarded for that stuff? I need to raise my rates!
Anyone can be a handyman with YouTube, guys. Just relax and watch as much as needed for a given job. You got this.
Brilliant 👍🏻👍🏻
It is rumored a wise man once said, "You can fix everything with WD40 and Duct Tape. If it moves, but shouldn’t move, use duct tape. If it doesn’t move, but should move, use WD-40." Obviously, there is more to fixing things than that. However, believing that you can and being willing to try is half the battle in fixing things, regardless of gender.
In Texas, you will never hear, "Duck tape can't fix that."
That is a Classic.
Thank God drop the crap of girl boss propaganda immediately.
Same here my husband just fixed our dryer - but I'm taking him out to brunch :)
Although my wife and I went to high school together, it was fixing her car stereo that convinced her I was the best choice. After 37 years and five sons, we’re still in love and I’m still fixing stuff.
Good thing it was back in the day, when you could fix a car stereo.
My husband says “If they don’t think you’re handsome, let them think you’re handy”. Thankfully he is both 🥰
Thats basically the tagline to the Red Green show.
The Red Green Show! 🤣😂🤣. Two words: duct tape.
I'm pulln' for ya. We're all in this together.
Isn’t that from The Red Green show?
Advice to either gender, learn to do useful things well. My husband cooks, I do laundry and finances. You don’t have to go down the gender stereotypical path to end up in a great marriage, just bring things to the table that will be meaningfully contribute to your partnership. It’s 2024, men can cook, women can take things apart or vice versa.
That's some serious wisdom. I know, because I can't cook but I can fix anything. And gut and quarter a deer
Mostly agree. My current (2nd) husband fixes things for a living. It’s very sexy imo to see a man work with his hands, not so much tapping away on a laptop. One thing I’d add for the ladies, in addition to cooking, is sex. Most men need that physical connection to their partner; it makes them feel loved.
And, conversely, being rejected makes him feel unloved.
I am capable, use power tools and fix stuff. My wonderful guy is all thumbs, but he does the dishes and the laundry on his own volition. Neither is a very good cook, so, in that regard, we live on love.
It doesn’t really matter who does what - as long as you cover the bases.
Happily, joyfully, thankfully married 46 years this June.
"It doesn’t really matter who does what - as long as you cover the bases.
Happily, joyfully, thankfully married 46 years this June."
Completely agree. 46 years this month. We do not fit the 'boomer norms' at all. I wonder how many lonely boomers will email TFP looking for love - and have it work.
Having been married for almost 37 years now, I would say that 100% of being married is knowing you are on the same team. *Every* difficulty in our relationship over the years has arisen from feeling like we are not on the same team.
Perfectly said/written!
100%
I can rarely fix anything. My one method is to take it apart and put it back together, and sometimes that works. After living alone most of my life, I can cook, clean, do the laundry and the shopping. I don't need a woman for that. All I need is a woman who loves me for who and what I am. So far it's been working for 10 yrs.
My husband took apart my exhaust system on my Jetta, climbed on the roof and cleaned out our chimney, tiled my kitchen and painted the cupboards, cheers for my team (Go Hawkeyes), and milks our cows every day. In addition to his full time job. There is no way in gods green earth I’m going to ask him to do his own laundry. We have traditional sex roles and I’m the luckiest woman in rural Minnesota.
It's amazing how feminists vehemently feel the need to disparage traditional sex roles when there are so many happy couples loving it. They're actually angry to hear people say that it works!
Very well put.
I know! I totally agree Cynthia. You know what else? Those people bore me. Snoozers, all of them.
Good advice. I would just add to have a very short-term memory. People who hold grudges against their significant other are not going to have successful relationships.
So true and so vital!!! Forgiveness is the only path to hope and illumination.
Do you know how many men it takes to replace a light bulb?
None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.
Once again, Maureen, I stand with you!
Pure gold NCMaureen…..pure gold.
My wife will be the first to tell you that nothing makes her cringe more than a man that is incompetent and un assertive. She’ll also tell you that 90% of mentally stable women feel the same. They want a partner that can get shit done when things go in the ditch. Beta males are all but worthless whipping posts.
Dude yes. That how I got my husband. After moving to Seattle, I dated a whole series of men and all of them turned me off and I couldn’t quite figure out why… there was something missing? And then I met my husband at work, and I realized… that if the apocalypse ever came, this was the dude I wanted to be with. Assertive, capable, will do absolute shit work to survive…. Just instantly became the sexiest man I’ve ever known. We have three kids now :-)
I was engaged to a man who could cook, but fell in love with another man who also could cook AND handle power tools as well as crafts. I broke off the engagement and ended up marrying the other man. My advice is to marry a man who can cook, and does not mind taking half or more of the labor in the household. I would not marry a man who expect me to cook him meals just because it is expected of my sex. I was lucky that since I hate cooking, I ended up marrying a man who enjoyed cooking. The point is, women who enjoy cooking, let them. If men enjoy cooking, let them. Don't ever tie expectations to gender stereotypes.
On the other side of the man-who-can-cook idea ... my daughter married superb cook and, while he was cooking away, she got bored and played around with another guy.
That falls under "Shit happens".
Washing dishes is man's work. A woman should never have to touch a dirty dish.
If my wife can cook the dinner, I can sure as hell wash the dishes.
After a cult-arranged marriage, and a few years later, trolling bars and other gathering spots, I finally found the love of my life at...CHURCH! No sex before marriage, (that one was difficult), and finding common backgrounds and interests was the key for me. Sure, that person MIGHT have existed outside of church, but being involved with an organization that shared my basic interests really helped.
The rush that accompanies random hook-ups had nothing to do with it, but a leisurely "getting to know you" relationship surely made the difference. No, we did not live together first to test our compatibility, but in all of the important areas we discovered how we meshed. Not necessarily politically (I hate Trump but vote conservative, she LOVES Trump so we both laugh and get on with life), but in most matters compromise and agreement resulted in a marriage of 44 years to life.
Would I have preferred a slim, large breasted, and sexually aggressive mate? SURE, what man WOULDN'T! But who I found was a loving, generous, and compassionate person who was willing to laugh at out small differences and thank God for our shared life.
My wife was still learning English the first Valentines Day we were married. Back in the military and getting ready to move. Bought her a card, candy, and flowers. She asked what I had done wrong and was I in trouble?
I explained the concept of the so called holiday. She asked why you need a day to say I love you? She just didn't understand, as I told her everyday I loved her and we did things for each other. Never did Valentines for each other again, the last 49 years. But she was all in for her kids though.
Love is made up of doing the little things everyday and just showing compassion and support. The simple things like getting water, what would you like to do or what's your thoughts? All of the times she didn't want to go watch me play ball or I didn't want to go shopping. Yet, you love the person, so you just do it as it reflective of your commitment. The times she has towed me in one of my old cars that broke down or I have driven her and friends to specialized grocery stores when I didn't want too. No amount of candy or other useless things replaces just truly caring for each other every day.
And say "thank you" frequently, even for little things.
You just saved me writing a lot about the same suggestion! I lost my first wife to cancer after 42 years of marriage and am now in my 3rd year with my 2nd wife. Both were/are strong Christian women, big hearted, tender, loving, fantastic mothers, friends, lovers. I hope the same for everyone.
Robert, this was amazing, insightful and filled with love. Thanks for sharing. This is an example of love in the real world
Although if I was his wife my feelings would definitely be hurt if my husband said he would "have preferred a slim, large breasted, sexually aggressive mate"...
No man in his right mind would tell his wife that! And women can be just as shallow, just in a different way.
Most women would love a great looking guy as well, but not at the expense of having compatibility with someone whose character is respectable. I wonder if what he meant instead was in addition to the qualities he's so thrilled to have in his wife.
My husband, in our youth, was a geeky looking guy. Not at all my aesthetic ideal. But that wasn't high on my list of necessities. There's something to be said for having a husband you don't worry about shallow women chasing after.
And as happens so often, he has matured into a very handsome man. Best of both worlds.
Lucky you!
She's a Trump fan. She's going to laugh, not be offended.
I think there was a big "wink" to go with that comment.
Personally, I would delete that. I suspect that unless he himself is perfect in EVERY way, she has her own list of desirable traits she is too discreet to share, regarding both behavioral and physical characteristics..
Women keep lists. I think we all know this. They may not share them, but they are making checkmarks much of the time, and since most men are failing much of the time, the women are indulging most of the time, at least in relationships that work over time.
I tried the dating scene in the 70's, and found sex, and the occasional declarations of love, but when push came to shove (not LITERALLY, of course), the ability and willingness to compromise and accommodate each other was what won the battle.
The big two qualities: a sense of humor and a sense of perspective. Being the person who is willing to die on every tiny hill of disagreement is a guaranteed ticket to unhappiness. Let it go.
Agreed. One of the elements of a successful marriage is learning how to ignore some things that really aren’t that important.
"real world!" That's where the youngsters go wrong. They are mesmerized by the digital world and miss the real world.
Epic! Sounds like you're a very lucky man. And for other guys getting less lucky there is always the passport bros movement.
https://theunhedgedcapitalist.substack.com/p/do-you-even-have-a-passport-bro
I've been living in Asia for the last five years and I can promise you there are lots of attractive women with a much more traditional mindset here. I personally am rather holding out hope for an American girl bc I'd like to be involved with someone from my own culture and upbringing. But Asia is always on the back of my mind too.
It's not like a supermarket where you can pick and choose from among a bevy of attractive choices. We all have blind spots and weaknesses that we are not aware of. Sometimes we may think that we have a certain list of traits that are a "must" in a mate, but then we are surprised by someone out of the blue who melds with us and leads to a mutually happy pairing. The "requirements" that end up falling away are often the most unimportant things on our "lists".
Well said, and worth remembering.
Stay in Asia. It suits you.
“For a little Free Press twist on the usual lonely heart ad, we also want you to tell us about a recent time you changed your mind—and why”
———————————————————-
After claiming the border was secure for 3 years, Democrats blamed the 10 million new Criminal Aliens (D) on Republicans because Republicans had not passed a Perpetual Amnesty Machine™️ bill, the text of which had not yet been released.
This is when I changed my mind and decided Democrats are even worse sacks of shit than I had previously thought.
I regularly change my mind on how much worse Democrats are than I thought.
Kev, I was thinking exactly the same thing all the while I was read this article about dating and marriage.
Haha
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Right out of the Biden playbook.
Rule 1: Blame republicans no matter how ridiculous
Rule 2: Blame Trump no matter how ridiculous
Rule 3: Explain away anything negative as false and politically motivated
Rule 4: Always, Always find a way to make everything about race or the rich or corporate profit
Rule 5 is no longer used because Joe can't remember what it is.
I’m in love 😍
And that after the democrats completely controlled the govt for 2 years under Biden. I guess Biden was too busy trying to figure out how to give away more money to voters, er to student loan holders since they need a better life that they so richly deserve vs those undeserving, uneducated neanderthals who just have car payments and rent to worry about.
I'd like to add one thing here. The confusion of VALUES with OPINIONS. Too often (and I see it on the right too but much, much more on the left) people feel that they have different values than the other side.
Sigh.. no. No you don't you idiots. You can VALUE the same things in life - humanity, integrity, honesty, compassion and have different POLITICAL OPINIONS.
Your opinions are NOT your identity, you are not a good person simply because you posted the black square in 2020. You're a good person because of the choices you make in real life. Every day. (IMO anyway).
I feel like an entire generation needs to hear this. PEOPLE need to hear this..
I apologize if I sound cranky. I am. But for once, I am glad to be in my 40's. I wouldn't want to grow up in the mess that is today....
When opinions are supported by a strong streak of self righteousness it kills any kind of relationship whether friendship or marriage. A consistant inability to "agree to disagree" is expressing a value of a need to always be superior, to dominate, and never compromise.
I hate to generalize but it has been my experience that the more of an "activist" a person is, the worse their mental health is.
It makes sense. Rather than work on healing internally, it's easier to blame the "system" (the cis-hetero-normative patriarchy for example) and say it's THEiR fault.
Cue the self-righteousness and insufferable personality lol
That's a good point
Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more true that young people DO feel their opinions are their identity. And that anyone who does not share those opinions is deeply evil.
Unfortunately, I very much agree. As I said, this is the only benefit I can see of being in my 40s.
I grew up in the 'sticks and stones" era, not the "I wanna be an activist/influencer" era.
I can only hope that there is some sort of generational (whats rhe generation after Z? Gen Alpha?) pendulum swing back.
We shall see. Have a good day today!
Very very wise and needed post.
Thank you kindly:)
Perhaps the silver lining is that these Leftist women, desperately searching for Leftist emasculated men, will likely end up single and will not reproduce to spread their insanity. Maybe this ideology will fade out naturally.
You are assuming they will go quietly into their goodnight. Instead they are your teachers, and will spread their unhappiness to all of the kids from the decent couples. And the young men who are left alone and unfulfilled will find solace in other places...some of which are going to be painful for society.
Sadly, something this big against a fundamental part of being human is going to have consequences...some of which we probably can't yet imagine.
And at some point, will they decide they "need" to have a test-tube baby? ugh
Many will. yes. Or try to adopt one. Those poor kids are going to be so messed up...I wonder what the % of them that remain the same gender their whole lives will be.
I couldn't help thinking, as I was reading this article, that it might not be a bad thing for all the Woke to fail to reproduce. But as Sghoul points out, they have other ways of spreading their insanity to the children of those who do reproduce. And ultimately the falling birth rates will bite us, as a Western nation, in the butt.
There are a zillion - no joke! - surveys, studies, books, articles, podcasts, etc., showing why, GENERALLY SPEAKING, married people are happier, less anxious, more financially secure, more patriotic (in a good way), less likely to need therapy or commit suicide, more likely to attend church or synagogue, more productive at work, more likely to donate to charity and volunteer, less prone to addictions. In other words, married people tend to have better lives, as that description is traditionally evidenced. This is a broad generalization, of course. Your mileage may vary.
I wonder...are we assuming causation? Could it be that happy people are more likely to be married? Seems like a possibility to me. If you are already fairly happy and you find someone else that is too, together you are both more likely to be happy. If you are miserable, you are more likely to either drive off happy mates or hook up with someone else that is unhappy, which likely leads to a shorter term relationship.
This has been studied. It’s both. Happier people are more likely to marry, and married people are more likely to become, and remain, happy.
That’s what I was thinking. Could it be that the traits one needs for a successful marriage are also the traits one needs for a successful life? And if so, it might be a chicken-and-egg question.
You phrased it much better...the traits one needs for a successful life. I think that gets to the core of it. Many people, sometimes due to decades of being told the wrong things, have not built the right tools for life, or at least not enough of them.
You are pbly correct but...
There is wisdom in Chuck Berry's 'You Never Can Tell'.
Or, John Prine described love in his song 'In Spite of Ourselves'.
C'est La Vie!
They also have generally less f'ed up (and more likely successful) children. too.
A non MAGA republican. Gosh maybe why he can’t get a date is because he makes gratuitous statements like that.
Oh for goodness sake, have a beer Unwoke
"Even worse: he’s a straight “non-MAGA Republican” looking for love in the year 2024."
I also thought the guy was being as closed minded as the rest. Who shuts out a potential mate over which candidate he/she votes for? I guess many do now - or at least the noisy ones do.
Most (thinking) people change some of their political opinions as they go through life. And, don't husbands and wives go to the polls and pull their own levers?
I know I voted for Obama the first time and deeply regretted it. My husband did not.
Going back, my parents were not on the same page politically when they married. They had lots of interesting dinner table discussions when I was growing up.
It is most important to be on the same page about things related to family - like do you both want to have children or not and what kind of life do you want to lead together?
In this day and age you also might have to ask "Do you believe in Gender Theology and would you be for or against unnecessary drugs and cosmetic surgeries for our child?"
‘Gender Theology: A regressive cult popularized in the 2010s and 2020s, which posited the body as an incidental meathousing for sacred inner ‘gender souls’. It practiced child sacrifice in the form of sterilization of gay and autistic children, where substantial body modification was performed to bring the child’s physicality into congruence with the ‘gender soul’. This became a powerful and influential religion - adherence was institutionally mandated and signaled by the ritualistic performance of believers stating ‘pronouns’ upon introduction. Non-believers were shunned and often ejected from main-stream society.‘
Interesting topic, and timely, of course. I cannot relate to Gen Z's since I am 74. BUT I became a widower 6 years ago and wanted female company. One of my friends said try OurTime.com so I did. I think it is geared toward older folks. I ended up with about a dozen dates - most were once and done, but a couple were repeats that I truly liked. When you are selecting someone who sounds like a possibility, it is infinitely better to see a profile, no matter how flawed the information might be, than to try to pick up a stranger. Ultimately, I found someone with whom I have a 4-year relationship - no, we have not married - we are both thoroughly established in our own lives, but we get together weekly, we travel together, and in short, found love on terms that suit us both. Our experience with computer dating, while not without blemishes (she met a couple on-line predators), can only be termed positive. Yes, you need to be careful, but it is a good way to break the ice and meet potential partners. Don't be afraid to use this meet-up tool, but do it wisely.
I'm happy for you!
I can’t wait to share this with my 87-year-old friend in the nursing home. After decades of mocking the traditional pattern, the in-crowd is beginning to see what she has grown weary of pointing out. Daily she prays for the young people who take care of her. They are a jumble of dysfunction; single moms raging for child-support from the irresponsible men they gave their bodies to. Maybe one-in-ten is married.
Men of any age, a not-so-crazy suggestion: get a stylist. You can do it online, and the big department stores often offer the service as well, sometimes for free. I am a pretty ordinary dude, and my stylist remade me after my divorce, starting with my haircut and eyeglasses, and on to some contemporary clothes that fit me well. I went from wrinkled schlump to exciting mid-life catch. Definitely worth the time and effort.
I would heart this 8,000 times if I could. Men, you never need to be the least attractive guy in the room. But it's like you're all in a competition...
You just reproduced the original pitch for the TV show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. And the strategy actually works! It’s not about being “fake” or trying to be someone other than who you really are…it’s just presenting a version of yourself that will appeal to potential mates (kinda like staging a house for sale).
Though this may seem frivolous, it is a significant issue as it reflects the health of our modern society. Historically, the family unit has been where values are formed at the kitchen table through parenting. In my experience of observing relationships at their core, it's about us rather than me.
The second is a strong set of values that holds people together. I have met a few Indians who were happily married after being part of an arranged marriage, it's a mindset; they make it work. In Arizona, I see strong marriages in the Morman church and the big box Christian churches. At the core is a devotion to lifestyles, faith, and traditional gender roles. Many are seen as happy and fulfilled, proving the articles point about marriage.
But for those whose church is wokism, their pastor idiot college professors, and faith in the leftist creed, it's a life of self-absorption and whatever happiness that brings. Ultimately, we are all individuals who can make our own path. Some crave a life partner, others do not. Ultimately, it's all about self-discovery, finding what fills your cup, and being a good citizen.
And if you crave a relationship, the best advice is to be ready. That partner will appear; when it does, you will be prepared to seize it. This will happen on either Ben or Suzi's path, so put the work in, and good things will happen..
Absolutely. When my husband and I took premarital counseling from church, we had to complete a long questionnaire on our attitudes and reactions to situations that are stressors in a marriage—-child upbringing philosophy, money, relationships with family members. For example—what would you do if a sibling of your husband fell on hard times and asked to move in with you? We totally agreed on that one. Help for a limited time, but the marriage comes first.
A marriage has to be viewed as a thing that needs constant devotion and care. It’s more important than either of you.
Well said.
The thing about the woke is they don’t practice what they preach. They claim marriage is unimportant and two parent households no better than single parent ones, yet when polled most of them say they want marriage for themselves (TFP just published a piece on this yesterday I think).
Well some of the articles I see are that the woke women/men whatever the proper pronoun is, say that all of the good guys seem to be Conservative, which is a no go. Which probably means, no guy likes my attitude of superior wisdom and knowledge. There is a reason my niece and her mother have been unmarried (they want to be) for 25 and 55 years. No guy could tolerate the woke self sanctification they have. Plus their own family avoids them when possible. I would assume the same applies for a woman looking for a partner who sees a woke guy willing to be stepped on and pushed around. Ah, no thanks and moving on. There is for sure a reason why married women and men are always attractive to singles.
Youngins, listen to Albert. After all his name is LOVEland
Wonderful thread.
I knew I would marry my wife by our 2nd or 3rd date. She was beautiful, smart, loving and reacted favorably to weekly gifts I showered on her. I was making a robust $219/week; the gifts were not too extravagant. It must have been the Chanel logo. I do all the cooking and fixing. She lets me know how wonderful I am. She’s in daily contact with our two children whom adore her to no end.
After 43 years she’s my hottie, still.
The secret to a wonderful marriage is to marry a perfect saint.
Worked for my wife… 😂
Isn't the word marriage (along with nuclear family) a dirty word that is verboten in our public schools and universities?
Embodiment of white supremacy.
Become a door to door sales rep. I did this for about a year and was miserable at it, but I did snag a husband! (No, he did not buy my product. Alas.) 10 years later, happily married with two kids 🥰.
Married and two kids? Oh I'd say he bought your product alright - hook, line and sinker! :-)
In these days, you'd be risking your life doing that.
This is a delightful Valentine’s edition. Thank you FP!