It’s hard to think of an invention that has been more transformative to women than the birth control pill. Suddenly, American women possessed a power that women never before in history had: They could control when they got pregnant. They could have sex like . . . men.
The pill—and the profound legal, political and cultural changes that the sexual revolution and feminism ushered in—liberated women. Those movements have allowed women to lead lives that literally were not possible beforehand.
But here we are, half a century later, with a culture in which porn and casual sex are abundant, but marriage and birth rates are at historic lows. And many people are asking: Did we go wrong somewhere along the way? Was the sexual revolution actually bad for women?
The debaters:
Jill Filiopvic is an author and attorney who has written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian and many other publications. You can follow her writing on her newsletter.
Louise Perry, based in London, is columnist at the The New Statesman. She is the author of the new book: “The Case Against the Sexual Revolution.”
Having a conversation about sex and porn without any men on the panel was an odd choice, and I didn't listen any further once I realized what limited perspectives were in store.
This is probably an act of futility: paying $5 to make a comment that no one will read as it is attached to an older podcast. Better to give the money to homeless person, I suspect. Anyway…
I hope that this comment does not come across as hostile. I am not. I offer the following as feedback and commentary.
The next time you have people on to speak about men and their relationship to porn, I suggest that one of your guests be a man (ouch, that does sound nasty, but it reflects my weak writing skills rather than my intent).
On the podcast, Louise Perry suggested that men are attracted to porn for the variety. I think it is more because men are hornier than women, which makes evolutionary sense. Heather Heying writes (sorry, I looked for the piece, but could not find it. It may be on her Substack) that the sex with the larger gametes invests more in producing offspring and, therefore, is more selective. In a lifetime, a woman can theoretically have only about 40 offspring. For men, the number is almost unlimited, and the investment is minimal, hence their propensity to seek more interactions.
Sexually active males in relationships have been jerking off since well before internet porn, even before homo sapiens. Many decades ago, I worked at a zoo where you could often observe our young chimpanzee in the act of self stimulation. I would suggest that men watch porn because they cannot get the real thing as frequently as they would like.
And then one needs to ask is there a difference between erotica and porn and where does one begin and the other end? Early Playboy: Erotica or porn? Would it be OK with Ms Perry if her husband jerked off to Playboy? Or is it the masturbating to which she objects? If the latter, is she willing/able to get enthusiastic every time her hubby is horny?
One of the phrases I object to in discussions of the power of men and women is that men have always been able to “have it all”. This is meant to mean family and career, but it is a phrase that is often substituted for “the perfect life”. Let me break it to you: Nobody has the perfect life.
Here is some anecdata from the Greatest Generation. Sure, the men had careers and families, but their role was as provider. While the wives took care of the home and the kids, the husbands went out and worked as hard as they could so that their families would live a decent life. One I knew told me that when he was working, he needed to be laser focused on earning an income and getting ahead. His relationship with his sons was well down the list of priorities and suffered. Two of the three did not attend his funeral.
Men of that era had families in name only. They derived little pleasure from being a father. Another from that generation told me that in his time, as a man, you found a job, got married, secured a mortgage, had kids, and worked your ass off. There was no choice. It was simply what you did.
I think many of that generation would question whether they “had it all”.